Life

2005-02-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

there's just something about tuesday nights and strawberries n JL. they always seem to work together.

i wrote your name down on a piece of paper and how i felt about you and i let it burn slowly, wishing my silly little wish would came true. that this time around you'd be mine and mine to keep. but i know its all a dream because u have someone else in mind and there'll always be a something or someone else preventing this blessed union from pulling through. i wish the poem was for me, how silly, i know.

ok i like him okay.. there i said it.. u win..! like he's ever gonna know its him..

//Yellowcard//my only one//

2005-01-31T22:34:00.000+08:00

things are falling into place

2005-01-31T20:27:00.000+08:00

Mikey Way+Frank Iero=<3

anyone nice enough to lend me their credit card so i can get myself the My Chemical Romance Tee by The Shirts For A Cure Project? paying for it will help raise funds for worthy charities like the Breast Cancer Foundation so lending me your credit card to buy it would be for a worthy cause and it helps me get a kickass shirt which i will pay you back for immediately. someone help? hee.. make it someone who knows me and is easily reachable so i can get the shirt ASAP. think of it as a belated christmas present you owe me? ehehe.

its been a good day. :)

i'm happy because of you

//My Chemical Romance//Helena

2005-01-30T23:51:00.000+08:00

before i go off to have some decent rest after several days of sleep deprivation, i'll update. Not because i need to, but because i want to. Okay that's not important.

I need to get back to being me again. Bad dreams about work being a life long commitment thanks to the constant nagging my parents present to me on a daily basis. I no longer feel like myself, yet i keep feeding myself with lies. The last thing i need is for me to go under.

I think too much, I wish i didn't.

I'm at the crossroads for another fall. I need something to go right, something to go my way, to bring me back up. And I need it soon. I've put a lot of mental energy into things in my life recently and so far nothing is quite working out. I've been through depressions before, and I hate to allow myself to go back to that place. At this point I'm on the brink. I've resisted for so long, but I'm losing sight of why. The next month should be interesting...

time to get back on my feet.

i wish you were mine and that was for me.

//Funeral For A Friend//this year's most open heartbreak//

2005-01-25T19:21:00.000+08:00

since its been awhile since i last updated, i shall leave out the details of my so called life. nothing much happened anyway, so i shall just post something up so people(who have been nagging incessantly) will shut up and be satisfied with the very fact that i've decided to please them by typing an entry.

yes i am okay.

yes i will call you soon.

yes i will meet up with you soon. (if i can)

i hope that answers most of your questions.

------------------------------------------------------------------
i've never been much of a yellowcard fan since i pretty much think they're sell outs now due to the overwhelming number of "yellowcard fans" who claim to be "emo". but i can't help but like their new song.

here i go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

you are my only one

i let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do

you are my only, my only one

does that not just make you go ahhh.. okay i'm just plain nuts.. mom thinks i need to be in a relationship because she thinks i'm becoming lesbian.. PLEASE! i'm just waiting for the right one. it doesn't mean i'm lesbian.

this is all Randall's fault for spending two hours in my room.. grrr..

p.s: if i can't find a decent layout i just might scrap this dam blog and move to my LJ officially. which would be sad, but no one ever responds here anyway.

2005-01-10T16:42:00.000+08:00

i for one feel you shouldn't go over to Aussie for further studies, because your 20 year old ass gets ill far too often for you to actually operate properly. plus once you leave who's gonna call me on saturday nights and listen to my crazy theories while you finish up your work at camp.

to tell you the truth its scary knowing that you're gonna leave. when you come back you'll start working and i'll be leaving for uni and i won't see you become the big judge or whatever it is you're gonna become. and there's no one there to take good care of you, slip disc problems and all. its scary because i'm gonna miss you too much, and i won't have my big brother figure anymore. who's gonna scold me when i screw up? who's gonna hug me when i cry? who's gonna be as proud as you are when i do something really good or accomplish something really great?

don't go?

wishful thinking..

Funeral For A Friend-Juneau

2005-01-06T22:08:00.000+08:00

brother n sister fight again? what's new?

i'm giving up on even asking.

jack of all trades, master of none.

that's all i have to say..

2005-01-06T18:09:00.000+08:00

so mom won the battle, i took the piercing off.. if i didn't i would've died from the nagging anyway.. plus a certain someone talked to me last night n told me i should listen because of everything that's going on.. n i trust that person like 73974297592759345793 times more than anyone else in this world, so yup i listened.. its okay, i can still pierce it again, some other time.. heh..

okay no time to talk, have to help mom with something..

the things i do to pls my mom

2005-01-05T13:46:00.000+08:00

since Joce did this for me a few mins ago, i'm doing one for her too..

so here's to my best girlfriend,

I love you too Joce.. <3

thanks for always being there for me n cheering me up whenever i needed it. n congrats on the award.. *hugs&kisses*

2005-01-05T11:51:00.000+08:00

thanks to everyone who's been there for me the past few days.. really means alot to me.. n thank u mr PB Vickram for being my constant source for laughter.. wouldn't have made it through without everyone elses support..

Note to self: never call keith when u're this close to crumbling, because all he does is talk about himself and about how he could've been killed by the tsunami if he and his friends had actually gone through with their plans to go surfing..

seriously, ppl are dead and alot of others are still suffering, making yourself sound pitiful during times like these just makes me sick. plus details of you and your now ex bf getting your dicks pierced together is so not something i wanna find out. gory details of your private relationship should remain private. plus i do not need to know how having your dick pierced will benefit your future wife, whoever it is that's "lucky" enough.

but, i still love u anyway my gay ass friend who's rich enough to waste his money at the warren golf club every week. because u make me listen to your crap n u never fail to listen to my crap, plus u're donating a big sum of money to my shopping fund..

n to all who told me not to pierce my tongue, i did it anyway.. let me make my own mistakes pls, that's the whole point of living life..

dad's gone one of his business trips again, its been a year since his affair but i'm so not trusting him anyway. if he can do it twice who's to say he won't do it again. plus mom says he asked for $500 bucks for this trip. how are we, mother n daughter, not to suspect that he's gone to meet his thai mistress again. might i add that he's on a trip to vietnam, which is very thailand. okay not that near, but u can travel over pretty easily.

its not like i like not trusting my dad, but how am i supposed to trust someone who was once willing to leave his family to support his previous american mistress. a woman who can support her three kids. n leave me n my mom.. i was 9, n mom already had kidney failure then, but yet he was willing to leave us.

that's one of the reasons to why i decided to not quit. because if things go really bad, i wanna be able to help mom out. even if i have to sacrifice alot of things. the last thing i wanna do is to have mom go suicidal on me again. i had Kal to talk sense into me when things went wrong back then, i have Joce now. but still its hard. n i have to be there for Eunice too..

i wish affairs were never invented n that men could keep their wedding vows..

fuck this..

2004-12-27T20:09:00.000+08:00

disaster has taken its place

i'm gonna be random, too much on my mind to form proper sentences..

1)blood
2) nightmares, falling stacks of toast, christmas presents. i just think the nightmare reflects on how i work too much n on the fact that i didn't get shit for christmas this year except for the skirt from Eunice which i appreciate alot n the book from Vickram which i appreciate alot as well n the wallet Joel owes me from 2003. but yet i bought tons of presents from everyone, from Pido to Jocelyn(oh yeah Joce got me a present to, but we haven't gone out for coffee yet so i haven't gotten my lovely present from Joce) to Nicky's n Kal's n Lyz's n Onny's n Vickram's n for alot of other ppl.. n traditional christmas calls were pathetic.. higlight of christmas calls: Johnny was the first to wish me Merry Xmas on the phone, n i got to talk to Kal! after god knows how long..
3)i'm missing him n since he lacks technology to communicate with me now, its so much worse.. like he cares..

i'm so not in a good mood now, so i guess this'll have to be for another day..

vickram come back from camp cuz i need someone to talk too..!

2004-12-24T11:21:00.000+08:00

merry christmas to everyone..!

if u're expecting a happy, cheery entry, BITE ME..! i'm in the worst of moods n i'd rather kill someone right now than go to work later. my hair is ruined, my folks are at it again, the only thing that's actually keeping me alive right now is the fact that i have Vickram keeping me sane n the whole traditional christmas phone call thing that i do every year. plus Joel's coming back from his cruise, so that's another thing that's keeping alive right now..

i give up on my folks, i don't get the whole don't fight over the incident for a whole year shit then they decide to ruin christmas with it.. they always ruin end of year fun.. kinda makes me wish i had a boyfriend. that way even if my day turns out really bad i have him to go home to n have him understand n make it all better.. *dream on girl, dream on* i do not need a boyfriend. i need him. but like he cares. n blah blah..

*slaps myslef* i have to stop whining, it doesn't get me anywhere. but i would like to announce that i wish to sue the bloody hairdresser that ruined my hair..! i don't know what the hell u did to it, but its been dripping orange coloured water whenever its wet.. n mind u, i've shampoo-ed six bloody times, n its still dripping orange coloured water when wet.. n because of the orange patches u left on my scalp, i was asked, on six occasions, "eh your head bleeding ah?" n on six different occasions, i had to say," no its the treatment the stylist did on my hair".
orange coloured water, orange coloured water, orange coloured water.

oh yay, vickram's up.. finally vickram madness can begin.

2004-12-22T21:36:00.000+08:00

i'm only posting this up because i totally agree with Mike..

Mike Logan:

OK, can someone tell me when it became socially acceptable to be having sex at 14? WHen I was 14 years old, girls no longer had cooties, but a daring move was to hold a girls hand or *gasp* hug her.

Now maybe Im showing my age here, but when I was in 8th grade, girls didnt look like they do now. Girls between the age of 13-16 should not be stuffing their bras, wearing a shit load of makeup, and wearing short skirts to school. What the hell. When my sister (now 17) was in 9th grade, 4 girls in her class got pregnant. FOUR fucking 14 year olds had kids. And one of them was with a guy who was in my graduating class! Being a teenager is rough enough without having to worry about if the girl you are seeing has had her period on time. Im not saying this is the girl's fault, the blame lands on both sides, but sex doesnt belong in the 10th grade. goddamn. I know there were people having sex when I was that age. In fact I had a girlfriend in 10th grade, and we almost did a few times, but we didnt. And you know why? BECAUSE WE WERE 15. Now I know sex isnt that huge of a deal. I think its massively overrated, and I get more thrills out of a lot of other things. Maybe that is just me, or maybe I just had bad experiences...but goddamn. The consequences that arise from sex seem to greatly outway the 10 -15 min post-foreplay. I think kids should go back to being kids, and not fucking little whores running around looking for some ass.

I joined some of these 'rating' communities on this LJ to pass some time when im bored, and its amazing how many 14-15 year old girls apply, and answer that they dont have their v-card. No offense to those girls, but I think thats just wrong. Call me old fashioned or whatever, but goddamn. There is plenty of time to get drunk and experiment with random acts of indecency when you are in college. Have sleepovers and giggle about boys while you can...dont have sleep overs and giggle while on top of boys until later.

2004-12-21T18:20:00.000+08:00

i'm sitting here talking to my aunt on msn while she goes on n on about how i'm making a bad decision for picking mass comm as my course of choice. she's using the "there's no future in mass comm" lecture. a lecture i'm all to familiar with. but seriously, what's the point of lecturing me when my heart is set on mass comm. even if i don't get into NP's mass comm i've already decided i want to take mass comm at melbourne university like Kim and I talked about at the start of 2004.

i do not want n will not allow anyone to tell me what to do with my future when i know well enough what i'm putting myself at risk for. i don't wanna end up doing some job i'm gonna hate in the business sector n end up miserable for the rest of my life. i am no longer the kid u saw growing up who didn't know how to make her own decisions. i can make my own decisions now. thank you.

i wish u didn't have to always be busy.

2004-12-19T01:44:00.000+08:00

i had the best surprise today. Mr Johnny Ng called. Yay..! Have i ever told ya'll how much i loved surprise phonecalls, especially when it comes from ppl i least suspect will call. i was pretty much doing nothing but sitting around at home waiting for P.B. Vickram to reply while he has dinner at the police academy, surrounded by hot ruggers. who is now at alex's house with the rest of the JJC ruggers getting piss drunk. i just hope u're not drinking too much Vic, or else i'll personally scold u like mummy does. how unscary, i know. heh.

back to the point, so i was waiting for You've Got Mail to come on n Johnny boy calls. which was really a surprise because i'd thought he was still on his trip, at the Philippines. when the truth was he was already back a week ago. so yes yes, it's so nice to have u back sweets..! n you're being such a good boy for doing charity work now. how evil i feel for not volunteering.

surprise phone calls+You've Got Mail+Vicky's company=a totally awesome day

how i wish u were a part of it too..

2004-12-17T13:30:00.000+08:00

JEALOUSY

nuff' said..

2004-12-16T10:37:00.000+08:00

vicious lies that penetrate within these walls, i can no longer stand you nor tolerate your anemosity and your biased ways of directing people. picking on my non-existant flaws yet not man enough to tell me yourself. leaving this place wouldn't be much of a problem. i'd rather do so than sit here, not standing up for my beliefs just cuz u provide the money needed for my family to survive.

i have better things to do like help Benedict out with camps and other activities than to come in for work everyday n have you manipulate every little thing i do. activities that will benefit me more in the long run than to stay there n lose myself in the process of it all. a place i've grown to hate more than to appreciate. where people push their weight around n criticize others behind their backs. i'm only staying on because Mora's gonna start work soon. the last thing i want is for other ppl to push him around like they did to me.

i've so had it with work.. fuck u..!

2004-12-10T11:34:00.000+08:00

some ppl are just bloody idiotic. so i can't stand ah bengs n ah lians, its my own bloody business. there are other ppl with similar feelings. n i only said i can't stand, it doesn't go to the extent that i hate them. i have many friends who are ah bengs n i don't have much of a problem with them. infact i talk to them every week while they enlighten me with their so called chinky views of life. n i find it interesting. i'm no different from other ppl who cannot stand mats or minahs. i know a few who do, n i don't mind, because its their business..!

n where did u get the assumption that i thought i was cool? do not put words in my mouth.. neither am i cool nor someone who goes around thinking i am better than most ppl because i don't. i don't know what warped ideas u have but i'm presuming u do not know me whatsoever which is why u're going on n on criticizing me on my tag board thinking i give a fuck..

as Vickram puts it, "fuck off n die" how ppl choose to live n think is our own bloody business. if we don't like the so called popular genre then we don't, u can't force us to appreciate things we don't like. u're neither Hitler nor GOD.

n for your information, i don't act ang moh. i am one u bloody idiot..! i was born in the Philippines raised there n in the States. n if u actually read my profile u would've known i'm Filipino Chinese Spanish. in the Philippines, ppl like as are referred to amerasians.

look at u trying to tell me not to judge ah bengs n ah lians when u yourself are judging ppl like me. its my blog, my opinions. if u have a problem with it keep it to yourself because no one gives a fuck. no ones perfect n neither are u.

2004-12-09T01:10:00.000+08:00

work doesn't start till 3pm tomorrow so i get to stay up late.. heh.. solved the present problem.. plus we're going bungee jumping next week.. woot..! time for fun..

i've decided to quit my job at the end of feb.. its not really ME.. n i cannot stand having to communicate in chinese n being forced to learn hokkien just cuz old chinese fogeys can't order in chinese or english.. my boss says i don't smile enough n i got lectured at just now because of that n the fact that i sms too much.. which is true, because smsing is the only thing that keeps me sane n vickram never fails to put a smile on my face.. i can't really talk to my co-workers because they're either old ladies who can only talk in chinese or hokkien or they're young chinese guys who aren't at all good looking n are extremely "ah beng". people who know me well know how much i detest ah bengs and ah lians.. i neither find them cool nor interesting. n they like chinese pop which is such a no no.. plus i'm being deprived of my weekends because the cafe has this rule that we're not allowed to request for weekend day offs.. depriving a teenage girl of her weekends is like giving her a fucking deathwish..! (does that sound right?) n most gigs are on weekends or on friday nights n not being able to have my weekly dose of alcohol, no matter how small the amount, is another reason. but the part that i hate the most is having to talk in chinese n hokkien..

so tomorrow i'll have to fake enthusiasm n try not to look all that sad about missing the OC. heh. lucky ppl get to watch it.. oh nvm..82 days to freedom.. once i quit i plan to spend time at home, quality time with myself n doing anything i can to improve myself n spend an extreme amount of time with my friends.. heh..

christmas present list is done n i've already ordered some so all i have left to do is to get the rest n treat myself to a nice christmas present too.. i'm thinking tongue piercing.. woot..!

2004-11-27T14:14:00.000+08:00

my day is ruined.. thank u very much Ong Onn Shaun, u've officially destroyed whatever credibility i had left after the incident. the only thing i would love to do right now is crawl into bed n cry from the humiliation u have caused. u're lucky u're my best friend becoz if someone else did the same shit u did today i would have just denied the person's existance. n u're lucky the ppl were nice..! horrible.. horrible..

get this k everyone? if ya'll wanna wake shaun up, don't expect one phone call will do it, make it a dozen.. lesson learnt.. thank u to vickram for being the only man there.. i'm gonna go relieve myself from the anxiety attack i almost had.. u guys owe me one! a big one!

2004-11-22T11:21:00.000+08:00

say whatever u wanna say, i already told ya its my fucking fault.. i was gonna apologise but u just shot everything at me, i couldn't even catch most of what u said.. i couldn't even say anything but "i know"..

2004-11-14T23:21:00.000+08:00

if u have nothing remotely important to say just shut up

the past few days have been hell for me..

so the one week break was meant for me to take a break so i could study for the rest of the damned papers i have left.. but no.. apparently family comes first.. n frankly speaking, i'm tired of being the good daughter.. for once i just wanna shout at dad for taking mom out of the hospital early on thursday morning just cuz we couldn't afford it.. then i, who had to study, was made to be home nurse for a few days.. its not like i don't mind.. i take care of my mom alot but what pisses me off is that he did nothing!! nothing i tell u nothing!! i had to cook n clean n do everything.. i get so frustrated, try to find comfort in things, so i call shachin.. but he's nv home anyway.. ppl ask me why i ain't close to my classmates.. ans: they don't know shit abt my life.. n i don't wanna bother anymore... eight days to what i call a peaceful good bye.. hopefully i don't see most of them for the next 2337493 days..

u wanna know who was there for me when i was worried sick when mom was still in the operating room at midnight after 5 hours? Joce was there, Shaun was there, Pido was there, Desmond was there, Lyz was there, Aloysius was there, Eunice was there.. Shaun stayed up to 2 am with me.. i stayed in the hospital that night.. lack of sleep=puffy eyes, wooden chair=stiff back n neck.. n i wasn't allowed to complain, i had to take care of mom.. when dad took her out early, i wasn't allowed to tell him off. when we got home i had to cook for dad, i did everything.. if JL didn't come, i would've totally just cried out.. he came over n helped.. gave me a massage, tucked me to sleep n he slept beside me.. when i overslept, he'd already started on dinner, n i just went over n helped.. i love JL man..

i'm tired n i just wanna get back to the books.. hopefully i can finish geog up before weds.. god bless my real friends.. the ones who were there every step of the way when i needed them..

ben my lil bro i hope u come back from Aussie soon, i could really use some of your nonsense right now..

2004-11-08T13:40:00.000+08:00

Disorder Rating

Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: LowSchizotypal:
LowAntisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html

i think the test went wrong, its highly unlikely that i don't have a personality disorder.. lol.. okay, maybe i'm just paranoid.. n since i'm paranoid, the test must be wrong..! lol..

math is over..! rah..! finally one big hurdle done with.. a few more to go.. i'm bored n i have chem to study for later.. Procrastinating.. n i have this really huge craving for Andersen's cookies n cream or mango.. wednesday, wednesday, wednesday...

2004-11-05T18:41:00.000+08:00

i've decided that i wanna change churchs.. i cannot stand being spiritually dead anymore.. i don't get along with the ppl in my church n i don't even think they care if i exist or not anymore.. n the youth group.. there's no way of breaking into the group of extremely close knit ppl.. apparently i don't meet the standards to even talk to certain ppl.. i know going to church isn't abt meeting your friends.. the whole REAL purpose of going to church is to be closer to God.. but it doesn't feel all that comfortable sitting there alone while "they" look at u judegementally(is there even such a word?) i hate being stared at.. its like, mind your own business.. i only feel this way when "they" do it.. cuz it hurts that much more when u know that these ppl were once considered your friends.. when other ppl do it, its okay, cuz the opinions of ppl that u don't really know all that well don't matter.. they don't even know u well enough so their judgement doesn't matter.. but when a friend who u've known for say, 5 years, does it, especially someone who u used to be really really close with does it, it just hurts.. one of the big reasons why i haven't been to church for a few months now.. i actually understand, for the first time, how theresa felt when she decided to leave Faith Methodist n move to City Harvest.. she had the help of her parents, i don't.. sometimes i wish my folks were abit more god-orientated.. its hard when they don't go to church..

n pls don't get the wrong idea that i don't wanna be a catholic.. cuz i LOVE BEING A CATHOLIC.. so who's gonna help me find a new church? Pido, u still gonna help me?

2004-11-04T21:21:00.000+08:00

Bush won..

Mike Logan says the end is near.. Four more years with that man in office will be the ruin of America, and the world as we know it.

I agree.. was rooting for Kerry the whole time.. too bad i ain't an american.. would've casted the voted for Senator Kerry..

anyhoo, first week of Os done with.. i'm so dead tired.. but i won't complain.. 13 papers down.. 6 papers to go.. not giving up.. mass comm seems out of reach but there's still hope.. so i'm praying n studying my butt off.. thanks to everyone who wished me good luck for Os.. n thanks to the many who have been there for me the past few days nagging at me to do my best..

it feels so nice to be online.. thank the lord dad has a lappie.. i finally get to update but then my minds so dead from the three papers i had today, i doubt i have anything interesting to blog abt.. but i swear.. MOE's nuts for putting math n lit together.. i totally screwed up lit paper 2 cuz i was effin tired.. 8 n a half hours before paper 2.. bloody idiotic.. but i gt to see ben.. so i'm uber happy that my lil brother was in sch today.. n its not the end of the world.. i just have to work harder..

okay too tired to continue.. i just really wanna rest.. but before i go..

Happy Advanced Birthday to Nicky...!! n good luck to everyon taking AO chinky papers tomorrow..

I miss Ya pIdo..!

2004-10-31T08:01:00.000+08:00

i am on hiatus.. just to inform the few who have been irritating me abt updating.. i'm too busy studying for Os to update or even go online..i'm only typing this is while dad's asleep plus its halloween so i have to wish three ppl a special birthday..

Happy Birthday to.........
Pido..! *happy 17th hun..! muack*
Deyu..!
Ye Long..!

to long: i'm sorry i can't celebrate this year with u.. i promise i'll make it up to ya..

Pido: i'm sorry i can't celebrate it w/ ya this year too..! i'm so so so so sorry..! promise i'll make it up.. hope the ticket is a nice enough ticket though.. i promise i'll get ya something better..

To deyu: i know u won't see this before your birthday breakfast with yours truly.. but i just wanna wish ya a happy birthday.. n thanks for being there for me bro.. thanks for everything.. okay i'm gonna get myself ready to have breakfast with u now so when u see this tonight be thankful i actually got my butt out of bed to have breakfast with u so early in the morning.. torture..!

last night was probably one of the best nights ever.. i got to talk to des..! weee..! i'm gonna be high till week break.. haha.. this is so not me, but its early in the morning..! i'm trying my best not to sound cranky k! n Jocelyn..! I MISS YOU LOADS..! Good luck for Os hun..!

2004-10-25T17:02:00.000+08:00

ppl have this misconception.. chinese ppl look at me n think i'm malay, malay ppl look at me n think i'm chinse.. so when they wanna start talking about me, the chinese talk in chinese thinking i don't understand chinese.. the malays do the same, in malay of course, thinking that i don't understand malay either..

why am i suddenly bringing this up? cuz something happened today on the bus.. i usually don't expect to see ex swiss ppl on the bus becoz i detest more of them than like them.. so these three ex swiss malay guys come on the bus.. at first they're like at the front so i don't take notice of them, but as we got closer to cck, the two happen to end up standing infront of me.. so basically the usual thing happens.. they start talking about me in malay thinking i don't understand a shit. frankly speaking it sounded like an episode of dumb n dumber.. n the two actually bared great significance to the two characters.. especially that one guy who laughed like the stupider one in dumb n dumber..

so they went on n on.. judging me as though they were the greatest things in the entire world.. i was sorta getting pissed, i just didn't wanna blow up infront of them.. they looked stupid enough laughing like dumb n dumber.. informing them that i understood each n every word would just make them realize how stupid they really are.. so i let it pass since it sorta happens to me all the time..

its times like these i'm fueled to do better.. seeing how they've wasted their lives away just makes me want to prove myself more.. always being the victim of snide comments from ppl who don't know me all that well has done that to me.. i'm one of those misunderstood ppl, which is why i cherish the ppl, who actually understand me well, the most..

i don't mind that ppl judge me w/o really getting to know me.. after all, i believe in this saying..

"Be who you are and say what you feel,

because those who mind don't matter

and those who matter don't mind."

doesn't that say it all?

2004-10-19T16:53:00.000+08:00

i didn't wanna go to sch to day, n i would've gotten away with it if ms yeo hadn't called.. mom n dad came in and woke me up n told me i had mock papers today.. i did my typical,"there is?" with the whole listless expression on my face thing. n they were convinced.. apparently the only reason the sch called was cuz half the class didn't go.. n since dad was here i had to drag my butt to sch..

the classroom was half empty as usual.. ended up doing the mock papers anyway.. when mdm J left the room during geog mock, everyone at the back went nuts n the next thing u know everyone's arguing over how older men can have younger partners but older women can't.. how'd it start u may ask.. its cuz i told wen hui i'd developed a small crush on a younger kid.. khai went nuts abt it and before i knew what was happening shirley and beetsma were in it too.. okay seriously its a crush, its not like i'm planning to marry the guy or something! when have i ever taken crushes seriously.. n u know who i've liked for two years now! just cuz i crush on some guy don't mean *ahem*'s out of the picture.. this is all wayne's fault, his stupid "asunto" with all those girls.. "asunto" means affair btw.. u've tainted the image of younger men.. all thanks to your stupidity..

we ended up arguing till the paper ended so i practically left the whole of section B out.. so whoppie..!

why is it men think its okay for them to date younger women but its wrong for us to date younger men? if this whole silly theory was lived by many, then i should tell u, i think its stupid.. my mom's older than my dad n i've had my fair share of younger bfs.. i dun believe in the whole the woman should be younger than the man thing.. n i sure as hell don't believe that the man should be IN CHARGE in the relationship.. i'm semi feminist.. i believe in alot of things feminist strive to achieve but it doesn't mean i am one.. i dun believe that falling in love is a weakness like most feminists claim.. but i sure as hell don't believe that a man should be in charge.. neither is it right for a woman to be.. no one should be in charge.. its a give and take thing.. n it shouldn't be viewed as a postion of authority..

as for age, i believe love isn't viewed through age.. u can be a younger man or an older one, it doesn't matter.. its really the person u fall in love with not his age.. the angle shirley and khai were coming from was, i think, becoz of the things we all learned from the wayne expierence.. he did what ppl perceive younger men will do.. they go with older women for the sex or the money.. wayne's was for the latter.. but still how can we compare all younger men to wayne..

okay before i go into one of my wayne episodes, i think i'd rather end here.. but u should get what i mean right?

2004-10-17T13:49:00.000+08:00

expect the unexpected

sunday afternoon, bored as hell, extremely pissed with myself for no apparent reason, rough night, missing *ahem*, O pracs are tomorrow

how random can i get? okay seriously, its the worst time to update but if i don't i won't be able to touch the dang computer till next wednesday.. dad's been messing around with it since he's officially "free" now and whenever he isn't using it, mom and i are fighting over it.. so hoo-fuckin-ray! plus pracs are tomorrow so i have to study.. plus the several other tests next week.. why again are they giving us test when we can use the time to study for Os? whatever, when was the school system ever logical anyway..

Dead poetic+thoughts of him=lonely night

n it sure didn't feel all that nice.. plus Aloy wasn't helping with rubbing horrible details of my horrid month into my face.. mainly how badly i did for prelims.. right now MCM just feels a gazillion miles away n it hurts knowing that.. so i'm shutting off any distractions till my week break inbetween my O papers.. so no phone calls, u'll be lucky if i actually reply to your messages, u'll be lucky if u don't see me AWAY on msn, u'll be extremely lucky if i actually make time to go out with u..

oh n i'm fasting, becoz i need the cash.. plus its a good way of cleansing the system.. so whoppie! whatever.. plus i'm getting someone a big something for his birthday's on the 16th next month.. plus wen hui's birthday is on the 29th, this month. plus the three other ppl who's birthdays lie on the 31st this month.. so its for them n for me.. in whatever way it benefits me..

okay, mom's hogging.. toodelz..

2004-10-14T21:46:00.000+08:00

okay SI sucked.. i swear, if taufiq n oli never performed i would've just pronounced the night a failure.. i swear, i hated what that guy from Daphne's supposed NEW BAND said.. so the amp failed during one performance, why rub it in? fucked up..! i hate guys who are overly cocky.. nobody starts out perfect.. every band has its ups n downs.. so they had one bad performance.. n the fact that daphne didn't even say anything just pisses me off..i have this rule, if ppl insult my friends while they gossip in their own lil cliques, its okay, cuz we don't live our lives according to the views of others.. but when u announce it on national tv, when u rant in public, your fucking damaging the other person's reputation. n no one has that right, especially someone who doesn't know shit about the three other girls.. it fucking pisses me off because, in doing so he just dissed my friend! n i hate it.. they were newbies when that screw up happened.. by saying it out on national tv, its like he was saying he's better cuz Daphne's in his band now.. nobody's perfect.. oh i can't fucking give a dam anymore.. Onny madness time to calm my nerves..

2004-10-14T20:00:00.000+08:00

my mind's blank, so what am i doing here TRYING to type out this entry again? i swear i had like so much to say just now.. oh oh.. okay yeah i remember now..lol.. okay that made me sound like such a bimbo, but who cares.. sch's the shit really.. 6 periods of physics yest.. n today i had god knows how many effin hours of lit.. but its supposed to be for my own good right? cuz there's only 2 weeks left to Os.. kinda freaky.. plus pracs are like next monday.. the stress is getting to me.. i'm breaking out but thankfully i know how to take care of my skin.. so whoopee.. seriously i'm not myself, but like whatever.. i'm supposed to put up a fake front so the folks dun see me all depressed.. which is so not me.. depression gives me an edge.. n i like the thoughts that never seem to cease, roaming around my head when i'm all emo.. okay, so now i know why my bestie calls me an emotional basketcase.. i actually enjoy the misery of it all.. so tomorrow's the start of fasting month.. n even though i ain't muslim and all, i'm gonna fast anyway. khai made me promise, so yeah, i'm stuck in class teachin the rest chemistry.. its good, considering i get to save money(which i NEED) n i get to lose weight.. plus i didn't fast during the 40 day fasting period that catholics are supposed to so i guess this will be like the perfect opportunity.. n it ends on the day we have grad so it'll be just nice.. woot! n if anyone wants to go on some argument abt how christians are better than catholics are just cuz i didn't fast, pls bite me.. i'm the worst example there is so pls spare me the idiosyncrasy. n at least i'm trying my best okay!not really looking forward to grad but heck it bears a great significance.. 5 years of secondary sch finally done with.. i swear, the next time i step into that damned sch after the 24th of nov(just to collect reports) would be to get my cert n leave, hopefully to end up in mass comm.. i'm thinking i should have options, but mass comm is still NUMBER 1...! we'll just wait n see i guess.. i have alot to prove to several ppl in sch.. so all this studying better be helping.. anyhoo, SI now so gtg..

2004-10-11T20:31:00.000+08:00

considering Os are less than a month away n my homework's taking most of my time up n i'm busy studying n alot of ppl want me to study n i do wanna study for myself too, u won't see much updates..

Inspired by Lyz's entry:
i want a whole lot of new clothes
i wanna go collect ben's present(now 2 days overdue)
i wanna spend time with my lovelies
i wanna do well for Os
i wanna get into MCM
i want a job so i can help the familia
i wanna have a halloween/ pido/ deyu/ long birthday party
i want n need money too
i wanna be smart

okay enough i wants.. i wanna go study now.. Os make ppl dull..

2004-10-09T21:24:00.000+08:00

i apologise for not updating enough, its only cuz things have kinda been hectic n with the bad news i received yst, i'm not really in the best of moods..

its funny how life was really sweet a day ago then things just come crashing down on u when u least expect it.. i'm not complaining, its just tough on me.. i dun see any of my friends going through this shit, but apparently after the many blessed years i've had as a spoilt brat, its only this year that God has decided i come back down to earth.. so basically all my plans have been cancelled n i'm gonna work like a mad maniac after Os.. n from now till then my only obligation is to fucking get into mass comm.. n since joce said there no longer is an interview for mass comm, i have to work effing hard just to make it.. so screw my social life n fun for now, my main objective is to get into mass comm.. i just don't wanna be a disappointment.. with all the screw ups happening, i just dun want to disappoint my folks anymore..

okay Pido n i are talking, n its been awhile, so i guess this'll have to wait.. lol.. later..

2004-10-06T10:01:00.000+08:00

i have a new found interest for Brandon Rike of Dead Poetic.. lol.. he is the sex..

okay so its 950ish now.. n i'm at home.. decided to skip sch, but i'm going later anyway.. i'm bored to death n mom's talking abt certain ppl.. boring the shit outta me cuz i fucking dun even give a fuck abt these ppl who no longer bear any significance in my life.. yes they were my close friends, n it was a family thing. but seeing how they've all changed into vicious beings that i can't help but hate, i dun see why i have to bother abt them anymore..

i live by the whole, "if u dun give a fuck then i dun give a fuck" thing.. i dun wanna be like how i used to be, carrying all that excess emotional baggage. it really doesn't benefit me. i've moved on from certain ppl n certain incidents n reassessed the whole situation. does that sound right? found myself a bunch of friends who actually cared not like those that just pass u by n not acknowledge u but call u in the middle of the night telling u their problems. i was too nice. from the many i made friends with last year, about 60% actually fit into that category. some who've claimed they've known me for years but actually don't know shit abt me. i'd so name a few right now but i'd rather not tarnish their so called "reputations".. whatever lies they feed to ppl abt always being there when infact they're only interested in being the passing ships in your life. n if u're wondering who's this post abt, dun go assuming its abt u, like the person who did the other day. it has to do with so many ppl, like ben liew or abbey or kevin or whoever else. but nothing to do with u. so stop reading inbetween the lines n start assuming i'm talking abt u like u did the other day.

okay, enough ranting, i have to go get ready anyway.

2004-10-02T17:46:00.000+08:00

i so fucking hate u for everything.. this isn't anything new, i've hated u for so long. seeing u in school just makes me hate u even more.

but i dun wanna give a dam anymore.. yu cheng's right, Os are coming, i dun need to think abt this. i'm ignoring everything, especially u..

2004-09-24T01:23:00.000+08:00

morbid thoughts fill my head.. how bittersweet this feeling is..

welcome back angel.. the life u so loved..

2004-09-22T19:43:00.000+08:00

"It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Fucking Deathwish"- my chemical romance
For what you did to me,
and what I'll do to you,
you get, what everyone else gets,
you get a lifetime!
Lets Go!

Do you remember that day when we met
you told me this gets harder well it did!
been holding on forever,
promise me that when i'm gone
you'll kill my enemies,
the damage you've inflicted temporary wounds
I'm coming back from the dead
and i'll take you home with me
i'm taking back the life you stole
we never got that far,
this helps me to think all through the night
bright lights that, wont kill me now,
or tell me how
just you and I your starless eyes remain.

Hip Hip Hooray for me, you talk to me,
but would you kill me in my sleep
lay still like the dead from the razor to the rosary
we could lose ourselves
and paint these walls in pitchfork red

I will avenge my ghost with every breath i take
i'm coming back from the dead and ill take you home with me
i'm taking back the life you stole
this hole that you put me in wasn't deep enough
and i'm climbing out right now
your running out of places to hide from me
when you go
just know that i will remember you
if living was the hardest part
we'll then one day be together
and in the end we'll fall apart
just as the leaves changing colors
and then i will be with you i will be there one last time now
when you go
just know that i will remember you

i lost my fear of falling
i will be with you
i will be with you

2004-09-21T15:21:00.000+08:00

I don't talk to you because we have brother-sister issues

for the next few days if i don't talk to u or give a dam that u said hi or whatever, don't take it to hard.. i have shit of my own to deal with n i dun mean to offend u or anything but i just need space.. n dun make me go on some fucked up guilt trip just cuz i can't be there for u or whatever.. i have problems.. major problems.. problems that dun just go away n i can't do shit to improve the situation.. praying's all i can do..

i'm only typing all this shit out because i have fairly huge amount of friends who i deem as the so called "fair weather friend" n frankly speaking after going through the whole christina shit all over n all over again i've decided to just bloody hell speak up.. since i'm not in all a good mood n u're never there for me anyway then just fuck off for the time being.. i'll be back to my nice, always there to listen self when things get better.. but looking at how horrible things look now, i'm gonna have to fake being nice to u soon enough..

whatever..

my chemical romance- give em' hell kid

2004-09-20T11:10:00.000+08:00

have i told ya'll much i love my lil brother alvin??

i haven't?

awww.. i love alvin cuz he's paying for my tongue piercing! *weee..!* i wuv my lil brudda..!

2004-09-19T19:13:00.000+08:00

Everyone's all smittened(i swear there's no such word) by love... *mock disgusted face*

oh yay, Angel's lying to herself again..

whatever.. its not like i don't wanna fall in love.. its not like i don't feel such feelings, its just..., after all that's happened i don't really know if a relationship's what i wanna be in right now.. after being with so many ppl who do not know what its like to be in a relationship, or what i call a relationship not the so called hollywood definition of it that's been fed into the brains of many enthusiastic television/movie viewers(its what we call an illusion), i've found that being in a relationship is more like a chore than a thrill..

believe me, i feel really weird talking about this when a few days ago i was trying very hard to explain to QJ about how i felt about something.. something of a similar significance.. n here i am now, being all cynical about it.. why the sudden change? oh hell i don't know.. for the first time in a long time, i feel really happy about something that i haven't felt for so long, yet so afraid that if i take a step into it, i'll just drown in a pool misery like i always do.. i really don't feel like handling such emotions right now, but regardless of how much i choose to ignore it, its always gonna be there to haunt me.. be it in my sleep or when i'm doing something, somehow it always blocks me from my train of thought n it just sorta makes me think about it..

n the worst part is, while i have to deal with this emotions, my wandering ship comes back to haunt me again.. another part of my horrid past.. ms christina koh, ms i-promise-i-won't-disappear but does it again anyway.. n when she comes back she expects me to have time for her, n when i do make time for her, she disappears all over again.. this sick cycle isn't really one i enjoy, but i've never been able to open up about how i feel about the whole situation till today.. i have a paper to do tomorrow n i'm wasting my time thinking about all this.. gah.. i'm calling Zhao.. the best person to talk to when such situations arise..

2004-09-18T19:53:00.000+08:00

http://home.ripway.com/2004-5/113877/guccistilettos.jpg

i want those for christmas..as well as those jimmy choo tenors.. i want i want i want.. hahaha.. or even better buy them for me before nov 25th so i can wear them for the graduation ceremony.. i can't believe its high tea! gah! but nvm, having dinner with my lovelies after that.. then i think i'll be leaving for Philippines for just a lil while.. so Pido i might not be able to go out with u after Os.. i'll try k? n after that i might be in Seattle for awhile to visit relatives.. so i won't be back till maybe Jan..

Note to wen hui: when i come back u have to at least spend one day out of the whole week with me! u hear me u twit! i miss u!

i'll be busying catching up with ppl when Jan kicks in.. so all my time will be spent working, n hanging out with my lovelies, meanin Joel,Joce,Pido,Seng Gim,Wen hui,Kal,Eunice,Jasper Ang,Ye Long n a whole load of other ppl.. n of course not forgetting dinner daily dinner with Sashie.. if he actually remembers that i still exist n that i'm actually keeping to my promise.. I can't wait! wee..! haha..

But.... for now i have to study.. n hope that i don't end up at some course that i would just totally hate to be in.. MCM MCM MCM i wanna get into MCM.. regardless of how stressful it is.. it'll give me a good smack in the butt n wake me up for the future..

Betrayal is a strange thing. You entertain many relationships in a
lifetime. When one of those relationships suddenly reveals itself to be a lie,
you suddenly find yourself analyzing everyone and everything else in your world
that held the same truth. When the afore mentioned betrayal is from someone who
holds a large part of your life, the trauma of this turn of events can have
monumental effects.

2004-09-17T20:30:00.000+08:00

haven't had a decent nights sleep since tuesday night.. i take little naps in the afternoon.. i get caught in the rain.. the fucking aircon in the fucking classroom we have to take prelims in is always too cold.. I am officially sick.. i have all the symptoms that lead to a fever.. having a fever in the middle of prelims sucks..

i want soup! but i ain't planning to tell Supermam i'm sick, because since the chick he likes left for cali, he's frequently been on long distance phonecalls with her.. it doesn't matter if they're both online, they STILL have to talk on the phone.. which is rather stupid.. n he doesn't talk to me unless he complains abt hw his phone bill's gonna be sky high.. he's too busy to even notice how horrible i feel.. but whatever.. ppl have the right to fall in love.. so i ain't gonna complain, infront of him that is... n he's been skipping school a whole lot.. NP's so gonna kick him out if he goes on like this.. can't help but worry for that ass..

just realized there's like only 6 weeks left to Os.. 6 weeks ain't alot.. which is why i've cut down on coming online n i've been studying alot.. i actually finished reading my accounts textbook last night n for the first time i actually understood what mrs chin has been trying to teach us for the past 9 months.. sheesh.. talk abt making things complex when u can just read the textbook.. she never ever asks us to take our textbooks out during lessons.. the need to bring it isn't even there cuz she never uses it.. so it lead most of us to believe that the text book wasn't realiable when in the first place it explained things better than she does.. hello it cost us 30 over bucks for that 600page textbook, how can it not be reliable?? i'd sue cambridge if it weren't..

i'm planning to cut down on other stuff too.. like my current addiction with a certain *ahem*.. n other really really stupid stuff.. i can't eat either cuz i promised D i'd save.. i have to, cuz like a whole load of stuff to buy for ppl.. early christmas shopping.. blah blah blah.. plus i have to pay for the tongue piercing n get myself a new navel stud cuz i lost it today! gah! okay enough ranting.. i shall go disturb innocent ppl on msn.. muahahaha..

2004-09-16T18:53:00.000+08:00

if u're wondering if i'm okay..

i'm swell i just have exams to study for which are so the death of me.. but at least i have something to look forward to everyday.. something real special..

*i'm on secret mode*

2004-09-10T22:03:00.000+08:00

help me my folks have gone nuts.. ahhh..!

whatever.. william hung's in town.. the stupidity begins.. i swear if i see him, i'd like stand infront of him n just laugh like a freaking maniac.. kinda reminds me of a picture joel once took.. hahaha.. the one where he stands infront of an advert at a bus stop n points at it while he laughs incessantly.. haha.. if u ask me that's what i consider picture perfect..

random, random, random.. i feel like being random today..

oh.. i studied today.. talk abt the first productive thing i've done in the whole week other then lit class on monday.. being nice now.. writing random testimonials for everyone. oh yay D's online..

I'm starting to hate u more than u think, n sometimes i wish i could kill for being sucha jerk

my chemical romance- thank you for the venom

2004-09-09T13:53:00.000+08:00

Which Rock Chick Are You?

haha.. i was right.. i was meant to be kurt cobain's wife.. lol..

yst was probably the most fun i've had in awhile..went out with D n we went shopping.. wee..! haha.. i now own the three cheers for sweet revenge..! wee..! haha.. n D gt his John 5 cd.. then we went to PS.. watched 13 going 30.. cried.. fuck i'm so weak.. i swear i should so totally give up watching sappy hollywood love flicks cuz they just pollute my head with stupid thoughts.. hee.. ok i've lost my mood to blog.. silly darren just sent me some msn thingy that changes your nick into i've got my period..

2004-09-07T21:29:00.000+08:00

Have i told ya'll how much i love mom? she bought me new all black chucks.. leather.. I heart my new chucks.. thank u mommy! i love you!!

p.s: i'm going on a hunger strike becoz i need to go get something for someone becoz i feel really guilty about taking something away from someone.. oh hell only qj will know.. since i'm only gonna tell him.. laterz..

2004-09-07T20:45:00.000+08:00

i called the cops on my neighbours.. ain't i nice? but seriously they're really weird.. they were throwing stuff on the floor.. n its not easy to study when your crazy neighbour who lives right above you is throwing what seems like heavy glass objects on the floor.. n they didn't do it once, they did it like a whole load of times.. weird ppl.. is glass breaking a ritual for indian couples? i'm not racist or anything, but most of the drama that happens around this neighbourhood are caused by indian couples.. i've seen my fair share of indian women crying while they shout tamil vulgarities at their husbands or vice versa, the drama of it all really.. its like listening to a action packed bollywood movie..

n there they go again.. n i think i freaked ben out.. calling him because i freaked out.. which probably was the worst thing to do, but that's so not the point.. i don't think singapore's really all that nice.. n sometimes i feel like i could just move back with the cousins in san fran.. but after being away from the states for so long, i highly doubt i'd fit in anymore.. plus i've developed singaporean habits, which suck..

i wish joce lived with me, seriously living here with someone that fun would be totally awesome..joce beloved sister? when i get married with *ahem*(u know who), will be the maid of honour? haha.. i love you jocelyn malicious!! u rock my world..!

p.s don't worry shaun i'm not gonna take her away from u..

2004-09-06T14:08:00.000+08:00

The lil brother finds out abt the horrific past n makes everything right..

i don't know what to say really.. u said what u had to say, n u made me see what i should have seen a long time ago.. though harsh, i'm glad i no longer have to through the tinted glass anymore.. this time around i'm showing the world i'm no longer hiding..

love ya benny boi.. *hugz&kisses*

2004-09-05T17:01:00.000+08:00

Art Tapestry pictures are up.. Eye candy section..

2004-09-05T01:16:00.000+08:00

my bed is calling me.. but for Shaun'D i shall post this before i go to lala land..

yes we must go shopping...
yes i must get my tongue pierced..
yes i must get my tattoo..
yes i must pierce my navel again.. (stop rubbing it in my face, the sight of the navel stud in my wallet hurts enough.. u reminding me how it came off just makes me feel worse..)
n yes i miss u..

satisfied u kinky ass u..

2004-09-04T17:50:00.000+08:00

i swear i feel really guilty abt not uploading the photos.. n i know everyone, especially imran, is probably like really sick of my excuses.. heck i'm sick of giving them.. sick of covering up for dad just cuz he won't let me use the computer long enough to load them in.. fuck.. i only get like a few mins to blog n tats it.. my msn is always online or away, but i'm usually never there anyway.. n i know alot of ppl who r dam pissed that i ain't giving them the much needed alone time they've been asking for from me.. i swear i didn't mean it.. i'm struggling enough with skool..

I'm putting CA n prelims first just for now.. so if guys need my time, sorry.. it'll have to wait.. these two require my attention.. CA's cuz they, oh heck words can't really explain what CA is to me.. so yeah.. prelims r cuz well i just have to study.. plus i have to give tuition.. n i have to attend tuition myself.. n i have to please Ma n Pa along with all these other obligations.. n believe me i hate myself for even thinking abt myself.. makes me look fucked up like i can't be relied on.. n tat's not the impression i wanna give anyone.. oh hell i'm just gonna have to prove everyone wrong..

2004-09-02T22:00:00.000+08:00

In your face Bitches! Daphne got in!! woohoo..! congrats Daphne!

2004-08-27T18:57:00.000+08:00

strong? maybe not..

i broke down in skool today n i feel like a fucking retard for being sucha weakling.. tat's just so wrong..thankfully it only lasted for awhile, but i found it fucking hard to hold in after that.. i had class after class after class n i had to pretend i was alright.. cuz i promised my lovelies.. i don't know why but i think its gonna get harder n harder each day.. thankfully i'm graduating in a few months.. hurray! good bye fucked up high school, hello wherever it is life takes me to next.. heh..

talked to joce last night.. haha.. sometimes it feels like i'm talking to my identical twin.. its a nice feeling.. heh... i love u joce! u rock my world..!!!

the soccer tournament's tomorrow.. a whole day of nothing but soccer.. Hu-fucking-rray! not! kenny had better show up or i'll shave his balls.. there's no way he's leaving me there to team up alone with her.. i'll kill u if u do tat kenny!

i think i saw someone yst, i dunno, i'm seeing him alot but i dun know if he is who i think he is.. hmm.. mystery guy.. weird weird.. i baked brownies for all the birthday ppl.. (i.e Shachin, Eunice, Yi Ling, William, Shirley, Beestma, Anna).. i'm hoping they liked it.. i couldn't afford seven birthday presents so i did the thing i did best.. satisfying your tastebuds.. oh oh kal i made ya some.. wonder if i'll be able to pass it to u SOON! n u too Deyu! u better come tomorrow k? brownies for the lovelies..

2004-08-26T16:10:00.000+08:00

i don't who the fuck played that idiot joke just now.. it isn't fucking funny.. i'm not a fucking lesbian.. i never will be one.. i will be on.. so whoever it is that's going around spreading fucking rumors about me being lesbian, it isn't fucking funny.. i'd so fucking just kill u if i found out who u were.. get it through your head that i ain't interested in women in that way.. i like boys.. men.. if u don't get that, let me phrase it in another way, i like men as in human being's with dicks.. not transexuals who had operations to have dicks.. men.. REAL MEN.. fuck u for even thinking i was ever a lesbian.. ask anyone who knows me well enough.. they know i don't like lesbians in that way.. most of my lesbian friends are just friends.. nothing else..

its like so getting out of line already.. first the whole porn thingy then now this.. i think sashie's right, i'm so gonna change my cell phone number soon enough.. in normal situations if i weren't have my period i'd laugh at such things but when under the the feminine haze, u can't really see it in the funny way.. but jasper ang u crap u, u made it funny.. haha.. love u la jas.. n no i'm not happy abt it.. n no i'm not abt to go lesbian just cuz a bung calls me n tells me she likes me..

wen hui n my ma are making me feel better.. irony: ma's watching the olympic triathlon thingy n she isn't really paying attention to the race, she keeps commenting on dicks.. hahaha.. i love my ma.. n wen hui makes me feel pretty.. i love ya wen hui.. n not forgetting deyu, who's making me laugh too.. hahaha.. hmm i love my family..

i shall ignore the phone call, i shall ignore the lesbians.. i shall just stay happy..

2004-08-22T19:19:00.000+08:00

-Open your mp3 player, iTunes, Winamp etc.
-Set your player on random.
-Play the first 30 tracks no matter how embarassing.
-(Ripped off imran)
1. Our Lady Peace- Somewhere Out There
2. No Doubt- Don't Speak
3. My Chemical Romance- Helena
4. Blink182- Going Away To College
5. Maroon 5- This Love
6. The White Stripes- Seven Nation Army
7. Finch- Letters to You
8. Incubus- I Miss You
9. Chingy- Right Thurr
10. Funeral For A Friend- Get Away Plan
11. The Ataris- Teenage Riot
12. Hoobastank- The Reason
13. Puddle Of Mudd- Blurry
14. Beyonce Ft. Sean Paul- Baby Boy
15. Seann Paul- Get Busy
16. Incubus- Drive
17. Lost Prophets- Last Train Home
18. Funeral For A Friend- Trust
19. My Chemical Romance- I'm Not Okay
20. Cadence Avasion- Kiss My(beginning w/ Timo interlude)
21. Sugarcult - Bruises
22. My Chemical Romance- Demolition Lovers
23. Rooney- I'm Shakin
25. Jet- Are You Gonna Be My Girl
26. Lost Prophets- Burn Burn
27. Puddle Of Mudd- Away From Me
28. Letters To Cleo- I Want You To Want Me
29. Outkast- Hey Ya
30. My Chemical Romance- Drowning Lessons

No.20s a personal fav.. especially when the speakers are on real loud n u just hear Timo's signature laugh.. hahaha..

2004-08-21T22:16:00.000+08:00

spent the whole of yst trying to get over the sick feeling of hate out of my system.. tried sleeping it off, didn't work.. tried talking abt it to Ric, still didn't work.. when i woke, i was just basically too tired.. till deyu said something tat made my day..

n how horrible it is to have spent a day practically doing nothing but hating someone.. i realized its not worth it.. she may have been my best friend, my happy pill , my everything. but to have her not realize how petty she's acting right now is just down right stupid.. its a piece of paper, why act as if u're too high n mighty to acknowledge its presence.. are your hands suddenly made out of gold? tat passing a piece of paper, tat has my name written on it, would be too much of a chore? i hated the fact tat u had to be so rude. u manipulate all my simple gestures of displeasure, tat have nothing to do with u whatsoever, n use it to hate me. when in truth i'm just emotionless when u're mentioned.. i don't bother that u're too petty to not talk to me, because i've learned to replace that void tat u created when u left with things that are more meaningful to me.. ppl who actually care n in truth would be honest with me if something came up between us.. yes, we fought.. i too my chances n apologised but u claimed u didn't receive the sms.. its neither your fault nor starhub's fault for having provided poor service.. but still i made an effort which in the end u blew out of proportion claiming i was bad mouthing u.. whatever.. this is the last day i mention u, or think of u, or even bother abt u.. u are a part of the past..

becoz of all the hate that developed, i ended up fighting with my ma over a pair of shoes.. n tat's the worst part.. i let it get to me so bad, tat ma had to be the victim of it.. which i truly didn't mean.. anger brings abt regret. i can't blame it on anyone but myself really. i need some madness.

2004-08-20T22:40:00.000+08:00

I was pissed, still am pissed, i just wanna be pissed.. (somehow tat sounds really obscene)

i'm sorry to all the ppl tat received negative messages about me wanting to tear someone's head off n throwing into a pool of sharks so they can devour it.. i still wanna do that but i don't think it excuses the fact that i told almost everyone tat meant something to me only to have most of them cringe in disgust.. i get sadistic when i'm pissed, so sue me.

i hate her for all she's become, n swear i will never ever wanna go back to how things were. there's nothing worse then having a stupid cunt like her be nothing but rude to me.

lost my mood to blog..

2004-08-17T17:24:00.000+08:00

I'm not o-fucking-kay

i dun need sympathy, that's the last thing i want.. i may be sick n all.. n i may be hurting really really deep inside becoz i found out the worst fucking news ever.. but who fucking cares anymore.. numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb numb oh so fucking numb..

Listening to: My chemical romance- drowning lessons

Without a sound I took her down
and dressed in red and blue I squeezed
Imaginary wedding gown
That you can't wear in front of me
A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet
Lets say goodbye, the hundreth time
And then tomorrow we'll do it again

I dragged her down I put her out
And back there I left her where no one could see
And lifeless cold into this well
I stared as this moment was held for me
A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet
Lets say goodbye, the hundreth time
And then tomorrow we'll do it again

I never thought it'd be this way
Just me and you, we're here alone
And if you stay, all I'm asking for is
A thousand bodies piled up
I never thought would be enough
To show you just what I've been thinking

And I'll keep on making more
Just to prove that I adore
Every inch of sanity
All I'm asking for is, all I'm asking for is

These hands stained red

From the times that I've killed you and then
We can wash down this engagement ring
With poison and kerosene
We'll laugh as we die
And we'll celebrate the end of things
With cheap champagne

Without, without a sound
And I wish you away

-edit-
i love superman.. he cheers me up so well.. haha.. n we're going shopping.. we're getting babydolls.. yayness! hahaha..

2004-08-13T00:16:00.000+08:00

i watched as they slowly took away the one thing that meant the world to me. you...

its friday the 13th.. my favourite day of the year.. heh.. did anybody know that there were two friday the 13th's last year? hee.. i know i know, i pay far too much attention to such trivial matters..

so yst we gt our O level MT results.. i flunked, as usual, but i flunked good k? better then usual.. n i could have passed since i gt a 7 meaning 5 marks away from a pass? meaning i could have done it.. meaning i have potential in the language after all regardless of how much i hate it.. whatever.. all smiles?

ok my mom's being a bitch, she's nagging for the computer, i'm too depressed to fight so tat mean's she wins.. i guess it'll have to be another day..

Listening to: Puddle of Mudd- Away from me

2004-08-09T14:31:00.000+08:00

Listening to: My Chemical Romance- I'm not okay(i promise)

seriously, i don't think i'd ever wanna do this traditional national day cooking for the family thing again.. i shouldn't have allowed Superman to talk me into it.. *grumbles* i wish i hadn't agreed then maybe i can go over to Shaun's place with Joce to catch Sg idol with them.. this way i'd actually do something productive like get to know more ppl instead of being instructed around by nagging Superman, whom i must add isn't doing anything! all he did was mix stuff that i've already mixed properly.. or putting whatever needs to be baked into the oven.. n when i nagged all he said was, "this is to prepare u for married life, where u'll have to cook n clean for your future husband.." i hit him hard with the towel n all he did was laugh(i would've screamed at him if his parents weren't home!) i swear, even if i did get married i'd rather die then be subjected to such slavery.. i'll be a good wife if the husband helps..

then while we sat around waiting for Shaun'D to bring the rest of the stuff we forgot to buy over to Superman's place, we sat around in his room n discussed marriage.. haha.. i was smsing Sashie about it last night, n again today.. i would've killed Superman by now, but he has such a nice stereo system n i can't help but worship him for it.. n he has the new three cheers for sweet revenge CD by MCR(which rocks btw, i'm so in love with it), so that's another reason why i haven't officially killed him for being such a naggy bitch yet.. Note to self: get a Bose stereo system by the age 25..

Was smsing Joce today.. we went from talking about the Hoobastank concert to how, like Dashboard, Hoobastank has sold out to local radio. then we went into talking about how we hate wannabe scene kids who profess their undying love for bands like Hoobastank n Dashboard when they only know one bloody song! ppl like that suck.. then we finished off with how mainstream bands make u pay for their gigs which sometimes makes their music overrated.. this is why i love Joce.. we share the same views on almost everything but i'm really glad to have her as my good friend.. infact she's one of my best friends.. she listens n cares n we think a whole lot alike.. i love Joce.. don't worry, i ain't about to go lesbian..

oh fuck, there goes mr naggy ass aka superman.. i wonder if i can bring his MCR downstairs n blast it on the boom box in the kitchen..

2004-08-08T22:04:00.000+08:00

i've decided to put up a cd list.. heh.. so if ya'll can't think of a nice present to give me here's a few really nice ones that will so totally make me the happiest chick in the world.. heh..

1)Rooney's self titled cd- Rooney(duh)
2) Death Cab For Cutie- transatlanticism
3) Funeral For a Friend- Seven ways to scream your name
4) Funeral For a Friend- Casually Dressed And In Deep Conversation
5) My Chemical Romance- Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge
6) My Chemical Romance- I Brought You My Bullets You Brought Me Your Love
7) Funeral For a Friend- Between Order & Model

considering none of these Cds are cheap, i'll happily be your slave(nothing sexual) for the next year or so till i'm fully satisfied that i have made u a happy enough person.. hee...

why is it when i desire time alone to myself, ppl want my time? n when i need ppl to want my time becoz i don't desire to be alone, nobody bothers? *grumbles* i shall go n see what trivial matters eugene wants to talk about again.. oh oh Sashie, i miss u!!!

2004-08-07T14:26:00.000+08:00

considering i can take pretty good photos if i ain't drunk(i.e my birthday photos) i've decided to take up photography.. my first project would be, Cadence Avasion. that is if they'll agree to doing it.. a late night shoot out of Cadence Avasion.. not now of course considering how lil time we all have to ourselves thanks to skool.. since i have seven months off after Os(yes i've decided to stick to mass comm or FSV), it'll be an awesome opportunity to have a shoot out.. so that will be added to the list of things i HAVE to do before i get into poly..

Yam's leaving for India forever.. n i'm the last person to know.. freaking bites that i can't even see her before she leaves.. contemplating on whether or not i should wake my butt up dam early morning to see her off.. will i really be able to wake up n catch her before her 755am flight? *whines* i hope so.. gonna run it by Raul to see if he'll be willing too.. in other words, if his mommy allows him too.. heh..

To Yam:
i know we ain't as close as we used to be.. i still cherish the times we used to hang out.. life was made better becoz u n tasha n husna were there when i had no one else in sec 2.. i give u alot of credit for forming my identity.. if it wasn't for u, i think i would have sunk so low into depression i wouldn't even be here anymore.. n for that i thank u so much.. u mean the world to me Yamini.. i love you hun! for who u are n for all tat we've been through.. pls do take care of yourself there n remember to email me k?

xoxo,
Faye

seems like everyone's leaving.. Yam for india, Raul for india too(if he doesn't get into JC, mummy's call), Seng Gim is going into NS meaning i'll have less time with him.. seeing how i barely even talk to him anymore, its gonna feel much much worse(u read this SG, i'm gonna be missing u a whole lot more then u think i will!!) Zhao will leave after NS, tat is if he does get his scholarship thingy for Uni, which no doubt, he'll get.. i believe he can.. n sec skool is ending soon.. n everything feels like its the end.. but bright new opportunities will come.. but i can't help but miss it all i guess.. i guess all i can do is pray, tat the future will have the same bittersweet moments i expierenced in the past..

2004-08-04T19:18:00.000+08:00

My parents have warned me, if i were to skip school one more time, i'm so gonna get into so much shit. which i think means they're gonna ground me again which i seriously do not want.

Why'd i skip skool today? well that's cuz i stayed up till really late talking to Randall n Jian. Randall, because he wanted to reminsce.. finding about wayne just sorta triggered this memory lane thing for him n then we just started talking about the past. all the crap we went through when we were in sec 3. we talked for an hour then i called Jian cuz he asked me too.. so we talked n apparently Abbey n Jian broke up a few days ago. Why? because she was cheating on him. why she'd wanna do that still surprises me. she's always been the one trying to keep the relationship together.. its official, Erika's screwed Abbey's life up.. n frankly speaking i think while doing so she screwed mine's, Jian's n Rafidah's.. because Abbey played sucha a large part in our lives without even really knowing it.. but as Jian says it, "what's done is done.. what we hate will eventually go away. N since she's what we hate right now, she'll go away. i'm thinking its soon enough"

i slept late because i talked to both of them n i ended up not wanting to go to school because i lacked the energy needed to get through the day. went back to sleep only to be disturbed by Randall's call, who didn't go to school too.. made a promise that we'd both go to school tomorrow to settle certain matters. i can't stand myself any longer. just feels so wrong to be me right now. so Superman came over n we talked again. he skipped lectures yet again.. bah.. made a promise to him that i wouldn't skip another day of school n he made me study with him.. grrr.. he made me read through Venice for social studies then he tested me on it.. i swear if he wasn't my bestie i would've just shot him for even doing it..

oh n my birthday pictures are gone.. all thanx to my careless behaviour.. computers n me=disaster.. luckily the CA photos are still on my camera or else i would've killed myself.. bah.. just wanna be left alone..

2004-08-03T21:38:00.000+08:00

ok seriously, i hate ppl who are so freakin judgemental n judge music like they know all the shit in the world. seriously anyone with so much hate for so many things should not be allowed to live. what's the point of living when u're so negative? this guy just goes on n on about how much he thinks the music of today sucks.. but what pisses me off is that he says emo kids suck.. wtf.. whatever.. he's 20 n he doesn't have a life.. totally pathetic for a guy who probably has a lonely life in whichever part of the US he stays in..

its the 3rd of August n its been about god knows how many months since i last heard from Jian becoz i ain't speaking to Abbey(my former best friend who's been with Jian for the past 3 years or more?) n he suddenly smsed me today.. was totally shocked becoz the day itself had gone by extremely slow like one of those really old motion pictures that run on a horrible VCR that kinda just stalls if u don't hit it.. it wasn't boring just really slow.. n Jian smsing me just scares the shit outta me, considering the fact that i've been through the shittest times in my life with this chap n not being able to talk to him just cuz his gf n i aren't in speaking terms totally killed a beautiful friendship. N seeing how idiotic his gf still is, cuz we're still not speaking to each other, Jian would be the last person i'd expect smsing me. but i guess its only to ask for help since the O level stress is catching up on everyone n who better to rely on then your friends?(since his gf's too dumb to help anyway, heh.. ok that's mean but like who fucking cares?) currently on a high.. haha.. so forgive me for the colourful use of language n the bitchy behaviour, but then again who cares? hehe.. i shall stop here n use this sugar high on something more productive..

2004-08-01T19:24:00.000+08:00

Superman came over at 3am yst.. Spent two hours calling him n putting the phone down without saying anything.. Apparently he knew it was me because he heard the crying.. When he came over, I was curled up in bed in a fetal position crying uncontrollably with a copy of prozac nation in my hand. When i finally did stop crying he hugged me n we talked. yet again he blamed it on my menses then we got into this whole argument abt how if everything i did wrong was becoz of my menses then the world would be such a screwed up place considering how many women there are on earth. when i tried to explain why i was crying we argued abt the past. the whole sex n alcohol life i used to live. why i really cried? becoz while i read prozac nation, i couldn't help but feel the guilt abt all i did. how everything elizabeth wurtzel went through resembled my past. each page i read felt like one that i'd written in my diary except with far better vocabulary. he'd taken the book n read a few pages while he hugged me to sleep. when i woke up, we talked again, but this time he understood how i'd felt.

i wonder how it'd all be now if i hadn't lead life that way in the past n how i'd sunk so deeply into depression. don't get me wrong, i cried today not because i was depressed but becoz i felt a weird pang of regret about it all. how could have been so stupid? the sex, getting high, getting drunk n puking it all n waking up to go to skool pretending like none of it had ever happened. superman says i shouldn't blame myself, we all did stupid things. he did too. the drugs, the sex, the alcohol. amazing how we've all grown up in our own lil ways. sometimes i feel like i miss it all. the thrill. considering how boring my life is right now, i would've gone n lead that life again. but why i choose not to, i don't know. maybe its just a new me. but superman says its good so yeah. i really think i should give him a new nick name. typing superman out several times is a chore. but i'm glad he came. not seeing him for a month felt bad enough. so it was good even though we fought n stuff. ilu dude. thanx for always being there.

2004-07-31T00:57:00.000+08:00

its 105am n i just got home not long ago.. really tired so it won't be such a long post, plus i have a paper tomorrow(fuck).. stayed at home today pissed abt the whole wayne thing, heard PX cried alot.. utterly sure now that i will punish him for all he's done.. n ppl relax, i always sound scary when i'm pissed..

went out @ 540pm to meet zen at cck.. then we made our way to city hall, bought bread then made our way to the esplande to catch michael chiang's private parts.. it was nice but boring at certain parts.. extremely sexual content, but seriously that ain't as sexual compared to late nights with the shits.. u'll hear far more obscene sexual stuff from the shits.. private parts is basically mostly based on transexuals n how singaporeans are really close minded.. i agree with what that chick who played Edward. she said something like the govt may have loosened the rules n stuff on homosexuals n transexuals but singaporeans still don't fully accept it.. u can accept that one is gay partially, but when u really get down to it n really knowing it, a typical singaporean would just go eeee n then treat them weirdly.. i hate ppl who do that..

was pretty exhilarting being at the theatre even though our seats were way up(what do expect from two seventeen year olds who don't have jobs yet?).. for the first time, i didn't feel like a silly secondary school chick but more like a woman.. in between i guess.. wore the dress that i bought last year becoz joel n i had this wacky idea to go see something at the esplanade(which in the end we didn't), couldn't help but laugh at myself.. haha.. wonder what it would've been like if joel n really did go catch something last year, i wonder how funny it'd be.. i guess it'd be fun, cuz joel's fun.. who wouldn't have fun with joel? haha.. ok ok, my minds wandering.. shall go get some sleep now.. paper's at 8am tomorrow..

2004-07-30T13:23:00.000+08:00

since my friend(we'll call her S) already knows all that Wayne the jerk has done I'll openly tell the public abt his fucked up ways so that no one gets harmed any longer.. I don't freakin care if he finds out n reads this.
I hate that fuckers like u exist. Nobody cheats on my friend n gets away with it. U are a pathetic excuse for a human being n I'll take extreme pleasure in seeing you burn in hell for all that u've done. First u cheat on my sis to be with S. I forgave you for doing that n I didn't leak out your secret because I still respected u as a friend. But to have you flirt with several other girls n lie to them abt u not being with S anymore, when in truth you were still with her till today, just pissed me off even more. I let you play your stupid games. You turned hasniel into a mirror image of yourself. I hated how u'd openly flirt with that sec 2 netball girl in the canteen when your own gf was there. One, u ain't all that good looking, n once everyone reads this they'll see the despicable human being you are. I hate how u told everyone idiotic lies abt S n made her seem like the pathetic one. The sight of you makes me sick, n I look forward to your death. I hope u get punished for all you've done. For all the hurt you've caused. I can't believe u still begged S to be with u when in truth u were flirting with everyone else. U totally make me sick. Let all men get this straight, women aren't your play things. We're not there for you to keep as trophies. We're not there for you to torture n torment. We have feelings as well if u haven't gotten that through your egotistical brainless head wayne.. I may be leaving Swiss in a few months, but there is no way in hell I'm gonna allow u to play with other girls. This, in its own lil way will serve as your life long punishment. For the two years of sick ass flirting games. For the two years of hell u put my sister n my best friend through. U manipulated them into believing that u were in love with them. U did it not only to two ppl, but to so many. Who the fuck do you think you are?
to all the girls out there who fall prey into his spell, wake up n see the light, he's a fucking jerk. He cheated, he played n he's gonna burn in hell for all he's done. fuck you wayne! Burn in hell!!!

2004-07-29T15:45:00.000+08:00

congrats to the dick who's about to be burnt to ashes by the ladies in a few days time.. woohoo.. if u ever read this i just wanna say, fuck you for everything u've done to my friend, u muthafucking cheater.!!

i still don't get why guys cheat? what i don't get is why he still sticks with his girlfriend when he goes around flirting with every other girl and telling everyone that they've broken up.. seriously i pity that young girl who has the hots for him now.. sec 2 girls are so naive.. when u're young u think having the so called hottest guy in school as your future bf is the best shit in the world.. i can't blame you for being naive n believeing in all his sweet nothings which he constantly showers u with.. if he lies to you, u wouldn't know because u'd be too starstruck by his good looks(bleahx) just like my friend was, for two years i might add.. i hope u find out soon.. but its time for us the ladies who hate tat fucking dick to tell our friend all that he's done.. n believe me i can't wait to see him burn in hell for all the girls he's played with.. n guys out there, get this straight, u can't cheat n not get caught.. we'll always find out..

oh fuck life seriously has to get better then this.. i know its supposed to be hell till after Os.. but it has to be a lil interesting right? heh.. sashie we need to talk talk talk!!! wonder how Onny is.. miss that booger.. brain dead now.. i miss my emoboy.. oh fuck..

2004-07-27T18:05:00.000+08:00

I'd totally die if I lost it because that's all I have that links me back to memories of u, memories I'm keeping forever..

i have alot to say, but i don't know where to start.. =(

2004-07-25T15:22:00.000+08:00

I'm leaving the life i used to leave because it no longer thrills me..

yesterday was a real eye opener.. i didn't really bother much abt skool in the morning cuz all i could think abt was art tapestry art tapestry art tapestry.. so i rushed home, rushed there n i thought i missed it.. if lyz hadn't smsed n said they hadn't performed yet i think i'd have gone around feeling really bad..

Cadenc Avasion kicked ass, despite a few minor screw ups which i feel weren't noticeable.. But Kal seems to think they sucked through out the whole thing but i loved every moment of it..

I had a whole load to say but my mind's gone blank.. sorry.. wonder if joce's ok..

2004-07-23T19:58:00.000+08:00

My day was bad enough, but I guess corporate companies are out to fuck our lives up anyway.. I hate starhub I hate starhub I hate starhub I hate starhub I hate starhub I hate starhub I hate starhub I hate starhub!!!
my day was horrible enough, couldn't u corporate ninnies wait till tomorrow to cut my line??!!! Oh wait no, why did u even cut my line anyway when I fuckin pay all the time!!! N I paid on time this month..! fucking bitches.. I want my line back! I want my line back! I will not settle for a bloody prepaid because I hate being confined to a few bloody dollars¢s, defeats the purpose of actually having a phone because u have to watch out on how many smses u send or how many calls u make n how many mins u spend on each call.. I for one hate doing such crap.. 24 bucks on a prepaid can't last for two days.. tats how much I use my phone..
oh forget it, its not like complaining will do me any good.. Its not like a miracle will happen n starhub resurrects my line.. i shall ignore today n pretend it passed quickly so i won't have to think abt how pathetic my life is.. someone get daddy a job before i kill myself.. bah..
breathe breathe breathe, think abt how good tomorrow's gonna be.. its saturday, its art tapestry, its CA's long awaited performance, its supposed to be good remember?? happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts.. Superman where are u when i fucking need u!

2004-07-21T16:02:00.000+08:00

new layout! Picture Courtesy of Joce.! its not bad.. just different from the old.. just missed something.. i wonder what??

2004-07-17T17:36:00.000+08:00

"It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it"
my day was made better becoz of eunice.. its been hell long since i spent some quality time with her n i'm really glad i did so today.. ilu eunice..! n no darren don't worry i won't take her away from u.. so the girl finally has a boyfriend who is by far, the only guy i approve of totally.. n things are different for her now, so good on ya girl..

everyone's either happily attached to someone or falling in love with the greatest guy/girl on earth.. good for ya'll.. as for me, i'm totally satisfied with this being alone shit.. for once i actually am happy abt not being tied down to a relationship.. men suck! not all men.. just the men tat i happen to fall in love with.. it's finally time i face up to reality n admit to my disbelief in hollywood's once majestic view of love.. i for one, have become cynical becoz of it.. its not hollywood's fault, its basically my fault for having believed in it.. in the whole illusion that love's this fairy tale ending thing.. u just have to subject yourself to horribly huge amounts of pain after each failed relationship before u reach the so called perfect one.. i dun want that anymore.. n i don't wanna find the perfect one anymore.. becoz i firmly believe the perfect one doesn't exist.. when krystal n i were talking last night n we got to the topic of a certain someone, i got to thinking on whether or not i really do still like him.. thought abt it again today n the ans is, no.. i don't.. maybe a lil but all my hopes have dried up.. n i am perfectly fine with the way things are now.. i have more time for ppl that mean more to me.. ppl who actually care..

the mind thinks too much when one is stuck at home missing baybeats.. *frowns* I hope u're enjoying yourself there joce! Ilu hun..! everyone's there.. n i'm home. doing nothing.. oh n i've decided to do something to the pervert of the century.. that is if my pals are willing to help me.. i know Darren Sin is.. mr national taekwando pretty boy is going to chop his balls off.! *evil laugh* shall go occupy myself with meaningless crap now.. laterz bitches..

I wonder if you're listening
Picking up on the signals
Sent back from within
Sometimes it feels like I don't really know what’s going on
Time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here
-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-07-16T17:35:00.000+08:00

I'm being sexually harassed in my own skool n I don't know what to do.. I know everyone's probably gonna ask me to tell the teacher or something.. But seriously, if u were from my skool u would know how fucked up it is right nw.. n I'm not up for the whole counseling shit if i do happen to tell the teacher.. becoz i don't need to tell someone who just goes mmhmm n tells me shit i already know.. he may be harassing me but i've made his life pretty shitty now since i've practically told everyone i know in skool tat he's doing this.. plus they've read the messages, n they've seen how he stares n purposely walks by my class to get a look at me.. rather flattering since i consider myself one ugly bitch.. hahaha.. but still it freaks me out.. especially when he does things like touching my ass on the bus n stuff.. if this persists till after we graduate i'm seriously bringing it to the police.. its freaky shit.. but i still wonder, why me? seriously there are tons of other girls in my skool tat deserve this sort of attention.. not me.. cuz for one.. i look like shit.. secondly, i ain't lose.. n even if i was i'd rather die then do it with him.. i may look like crap but crappy looking ppl have standards too..

i've known this guy for five years.. n i never once thought he'd be the horny fuck tat he is now.. but i guess ppl change alot.. n to think ppl used to refer to him as "chi ko pek" when we were in sec1&2.. who'd have known he'd really turn into one.. i'll continue later.. really distracted now..

-edit- so seriously this guy just freaks the shit outta me.. but then i got to thinking.. what's gonna happen when he's petite innocent girlfriend rejects him whenever he has the sudden urge to fulfill his sick sexually fantasies? that girl so doesn't deserve it.. so sweet n innocent but utterly blind for having picked an ass like him.. but still love is blind i guess.. your significant other could be like the shittest person in this world to other ppl but beautifully sweet to u.. so i guess that's how she sees him.. but seriously i pity her if he's really as sick as her as he is to me..

why not tell his gf? several reasons.. one, if they're relationship is really as perfect as everyone perceives it to be, then i'd hate to be the one to destroy it.. he may deserve all that pain, but she doesn't.. n if she has to find out that her bf's a freakin sicko/pervert/horny asshole, i'd rather she find it out from a close reliable friend then from me, who to her, is noone but a stranger.. i don't wanna be inbetween such tragedies.. its a waste of my time.. n i'd hate it if she blames me instead of him in the end.. that'd just be another pain in the ass issue tat'll waste my precious time.. i wouldn't mind if she did, i'd fight it out with her anyway.. but seeing how i only have like 100+ days to my O level, it'd just be a waste of my time.. but i'd love a good catfight anyway.. *evil grin*

oh enough abt him or them.. moving on to better things.. Zen n i are gonna catch Michael Chiang's private parts.. can't wait.. heh.. oh plus Cadence Aversion's playing next week.. yayness.. so my weekends have great things to look forward to.. can't wait.. it helps distract me from the life otherwise filled with sick pervs n stress..

i have alot more to say so bear with me, i haven't blogged properly in so long.. i need a new layout but i guess tat can wait.. n i miss a whole load of ppl.. just too busy to sms or call them.. so i shall tell ya'll here.. I miss xing hui, kal, joel, lyz, joce n ye long.. but the person i miss the most is Superman..!! who's been so busy since skool started i only received like two smses in three weeks.. *frowns* totally sucks.. i miss u u freak..! u hear me! i miss u..! he says he'll stop by soon enough but i think i'd go insane by the time i see him.. think i'll blog more another day.. have to go do some stuff now.. toodelz..

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-07-11T21:24:00.000+08:00

Band Aid

Are You A Groupie? Or ...
brought to you by Quizilla

i hate not being given the time to blog or having ppl take away what lil time i had left for myself n wastin it by doing something useless.. went to church for the first time in a very very long time.. felt like a freaking wall flower most of the time.. i really just can't fit in with the ppl there anymore.. maybe its cuz the ppl i used to hang out with in church have suddenly disappeared n all tat's left are small girlies who haven't even completed their final stage of puberty yet.. not my kinda thing.. i find it very difficult to talk to kiddies.. nicholas alone is a hell of a pain in the ass when u attend mass with him.. he talks n talks n talks n talks.. n he just never seems to shut up.. highly annoying.. i wanted to punch him so much just to have him shut up.. but tat'd just be so wrong to do at the house of God..

i sometimes wish i could be in someone shoes.. living their life for one day.. it'd be better then mine i guess.. i think the whole church expierence has ruined it for me.. my day i mean.. bah.. ok ok i'm totally mixed up.. i need some music.. damned speakers..
-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-07-03T17:21:00.000+08:00

alot's happened this week n i can't really blog everything out, but let's just say i had a great week.. even if it was hectic n stressful n everything's changed all over again.. i've managed to live with it with the occasional emo trips of course.. superman was pretty surprised with how i handled things.. so yay! it must be cuz i'm old now.. hahaha..

the one thing i looked forward this week was my birthday.. n boy, was it a great one.. the day started out pretty shitty but things started picking up at night.. there's nothing like blood, booze n Onny madness to make a birthday utterly perfect.. i hadn't laughed, as hard as i did last night, for a really really long time.. n i have to admit, even though 12 ppl didn't come.. the company of 7 lovely ppl made it rock so much more.. we laughed, gt drunk n had madass fun.. i think ppl at marina south were getting irritated with us.. we were the noisy irrtating bunch in the middle... haha.. but i had alot of fun.. thanx to Onny, Jonathan, Aaron, William, Eunice, Darren n of course Alvin.. totally made my day.. went home late, feeling really queasy.. haha... but it was really really fun.. the pictures will prove it(i'll upload them soon, i hope). booze is the key element to madass fun.. haha.. i really really really really loved my birthday.. love ya'll so much..! n of course not forgetting all the presents i gt from my friends from skool.. was really sweet of u guys n i loved all the gifts.. n for everyone who wished me happy birthday, on time or not it was still really sweet of ya'll to remember.. Muack! hah..

oh n joce thanx for being there when i needed ya most..! love ya hun.. oh n so happy for u.. your shaun mattchews is coming home.. hehe.. n wen hui, thanx for being there for me too.. i love ya too!

i'm still really tired from yst.. so i think i'll go get some much needed rest.. oh n i finally gt a diary thanx to Raul.. n its black! my favourite colour.. wee..!
-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-27T21:32:00.000+08:00

its 940pm.. a few hours to go before skool starts.. have i done any homework? nope! is my table still a mess? yeap!have your folks signed your report book? nope! i haven't even shown it to them.. *evil laugh* u ready for tomorrow? bring it on! its not like i'll die of stress or something.. my mind's not working right so pls bear with me.. heh.. my favourite person in the world is probably asleep again becoz there's soccer later.. Sashie, u're seriously sacrificing way too much sleep for soccer.. u just went on a hike n u're planning to watch when u can use that porrtion of time for something more productive.. like sleeping! becoz u have a 9-5 job to attend to tomorrow babe! but heck i can't complain.. i do it too.. sometimes.. hehehehe..

truth. i'm stressed.. so stressed.. n i'm fucking loving it! woohoo..! hehehe.. its my new plan, drive myself to insanity n everyone else around me will be as insanely happy as i am too.. n then at the end of the week i'll have something awesome to look forward too.. yayness.! Eunice! can u believe it? Darren's actually going! n he's actually bringing a present! hah!awww.. i actually mean more to him then i thought i'd be n he was highly impressed with the testimonial i wrote him.. hah.. highly amusing becoz Darren's so hard to pls.. he expects so much outta himself so he does it to us too.. ok not to everyone really.. maybe its just me.. but i can't wait.. Onny madness, good food, the company of great friends n the end of my 16th year of life.. wee..! just sad i can't invite everyone becoz i'm on a tight budget.. i want Sashie to go.. but he'll be at work.. it wouldn't hurt asking, but i don't want anyone taking a day off just for me.. i'd feel majorly guilty after that becoz i majorly don't deserve it.. even Superman can't go.. =( major bummer.. n joce too.. i wanted joce to go! having money that isn't enough to get all your best buds in one place for your bday majorly sucks..

but no worries.. sashie's in charge of the big one next year.. n i promise i'll get everyone in one place..

i gtg.. someone needs my time.. good night sorrow..
-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-27T15:21:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Lost Prophets-Ride

http://www.blazonry.com/scripting/wuname.php

Go try it peeps.. haha.. my wu name's Irate Prophet.. haha.. n it just so happens i'm listening to the lost prophets while i got that.. haha.. i'm irate? heh..

last day of hols n i'm at home.. how great? just glad i have lots of stuff today.. clearing up everything then its back to skool again.. bah.. dreading it really.. but then its only 5 months left so can't really complain even though i'd dread it more as it ends.. oh fuck life's like that.. i'll just let it be.. i only have one goal ok no two goals but the first one is more significant n that's to do well becoz i promised a certain someone n he has a punishment for me if i don't do well.. right sashie?? don't be too harsh ya? hahaha..

oh yay! finally get to go out.. mum wants to go to IMM.. oh boy.. nvm better then sitting around..
-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-23T20:55:00.000+08:00

i'm bored.. i want my diary.. fuck it.. superman came over today.. was so nice to see his ass freakin face.. made everything better.. he came, we lay in bed together and bitched abt the events that have tormented our lives the past few weeks.. *i heart ya babe* i ask myself again y he isn't my boyfriend.. haha..

he brought over all my favourite things n we got high on chocolates.. rather fruitful if u ask me.. hahaha.. then we had a three hour long nap which was later interrupted by mr "i love my hair" haha.. i miss last year all of a sudden.. spending time with the shits, getting drunk n kissing Els.. things have changed so much.. kinda sucks.. Els is turning 20, has a gf n is happy.. we haven't talked in so long i can't even remember the last thing i talked abt with him.. kinda sad it's all this way now.. i miss the shits..! I.L.M.H jumped on top of me n woke me up, which caused me to scream n when i saw who it was i screamed even more.. hugged him real tight after that then i told him to get off cuz he was dam freaking heavy.. then they had to go n meet the rest n i'm at home bored to death again.. but superman's coming over again tonight.. n he's staying over.. yayness.. but they're picking me up n we're going to lau pa sat for dinner..

i'm gonna get ready now.. ilu peeps..

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-21T08:39:00.000+08:00

its official, vacation's over.. its back to studying n whining abt my oh so boring life.. ok it isn't really all that boring but yeah i have so much to do i'm glad i slacked off for the two weeks just to have my approriate rest.. woohoo..!

if u didn't notice i feel much better now.. thanx to mike.. he stayed up tolerating my nonsense.. so yeap thanx mike..! hee.. oh n keith called last night n i heard his crappy speech again! it was the i love u n i'm willing to wait for u n i only wanna be with u speech.. n he didn't seem to get me when i said,"i'm not interested, will never be interested so stop dreaming..!" when i said it, all he could say was,"u're just saying that cuz u were hurt that's why" i felt like taking a gun n shooting it at him several times.. or maybe like in Joel's new poem, "Quietly she hums, Her song for the dead, As she playfully scalps, The skin off your head" hahaha.. i think i'm becoming a sadist.. haha..

so i'm off to have classes now.. this bites.. oh nvm.. it'll be fine.. i hope.. toodelz bitches..

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-19T20:51:00.000+08:00

confession, i'm really really depressed.. infact i'm so depressed i could kill myself right now.. there's nothing like sitting on my big comfy bed n listening to audioslave.. it helps a lil.. but i wish i had my diary to write in but its still with my teacher.. teachers suck.. especially my fucked up tai tai english teacher, who doesn't know how to dress but acts as if she's Paris Hilton..(oh i forgot to mention, she's a fucking racist! i hate racists..) she confiscated my diary in april cuz i was writing an entry n not paying attention to her dumb lesson.. i haven't gotten it back cuz i ain't gonna let her win n apologize.. i fucking hate her n i won't ever apologize.. even for the "i feel like shooting her" comment i once made.. she threatened to tell the principal i said it but never ever did anyway.. apparently just cuz i came out as one of the top students during my N levels, they think i'm some sort of angelic bitch who was once a very good girl.. n when i chose to show my rebellious side this year, all the teachers suddenly love talking abt me.. heh.. i like it.. they hate the fact that i'm this way..

so i'm making an effort to go to church tomorrow becoz Jerome's moving to my church.. so to force myself to go i arranged to meet Xavier early.. i hope i don't screw this up.. seriously my church is mainly filled with bimbotic ppl.. mainly the girls of course.. n they're like the black plague.. infecting the minds of the guys.. the guys whom i used to love hanging out with.. i thought there'd at least be one person left that's independent.. Louis of course disappointed me.. hooked up with one of the bimbos n voila, they took away every person i loved n turned them into bimbo loving sex maniacs.. the worlds becoming a polluted place.. who will save us all?? i sure hope God will.. so i have half an hour left before i pollute my mind with paris hilton's n nicole richie's bimbotic ways.. why am i doing it? becoz i'm bored n i have no one real to talk to till my idiotic ex bfs start calling.. three called, all in one day.. n i really wonder y they'd still wanna talk to me, especially when i'm being suck a bitch to them.. n in the first place y are they even talking to me the ugly duckling? bah.. too many thoughts.. i need to get another diary.. anyone know where i can get a cheap nice one?? it has to be black of course..

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-17T23:54:00.000+08:00

jasper asked me whether not i was fine.. i lied n said yeah but i told him the truth after tat n said, "actually, no i'm not.. i'm just not letting things get me that hard" i'm trying this happy go lucky approach that i told QJ abt last night.. seems to work for some ppl, so y not give it a go? *breathes deeply*

Lord Save Me

the day was rather ok.. not one of the best days i've had but it was better off then most normal days.. i went to my God ma's place today.. been dreading it for a few days now, was complaining abt it to Sashie n Rafidah n Sa n Joce.. i really didn't wanna go there cuz i didn't wanna see her.. her as in Abbey.. really haven't forgiven her for throwing away our 11yr friendship just like that.. Joce n i were even discussing on what would be appropriate to say to someone like that.. same ans.. "Fuck You Bitch" i wanted to say that so bad.. but i didn't wanna do it infront of God ma.. n i promised Sashie i'd make the best of it.. so i went n in the end Abbey wasn't home anyway.. ended up just sitting around with her lil bro watching nickelodeon while ma n god ma caught up.. spongebob helps.. heh.. sitting there watching made me think things thru.. i was really confused over wat i really wanted..

a part of me wanted things between abbey n me to be like it used to be.. 11 yrs of friendships isn't easy to throw away.. we expierenced almost everything together n it felt nice having that someone to talk to abt it all.. first kisses, first dates, first serious bfs, first time we had our periods, first everything.. n it'd be nice to just be able to talk things out like we used to.. but on my way home, i realized something.. i dun need that anymore.. i have great friends that are there for me, n understand me.. n the new friends i have are the ones who've made me the person i am now becoz they were there at my darkest hour.. abbey was a great friend.. but at times i couldn't really talk things out with her cuz she'd never expierenced what i'd been thru, i don't blame her, but it frustrated me.. n we only talked abt superficial stuff.. nothing serious really.. n when i needed her most, she'd always not know what to do, so she'd just not care, if she really couldn't bear not caring, she'd tell god ma n make things worse for me.. only once did she apologize.. n she was the one who gave up on our friendship first cuz she wanted to be like my cousin Erika, who just sucks balls anyway.. i made an effort to mend the gap that was starting to form because of the distance we now had to face(she moved away, she used to stay in the same block as i did n i could just go up whenever i wanted to), but she really didn't care.. i'd ask her a week in advance if i could go out with her.. she'd say she will if she could.. so i patiently waited.. but if erika asks her out on the day we were supposed to go out, she'd rather cancel on me n spend time with erika.. i dun really wanna care abt it all anymore, that's why i'm posting all this up.. cuz i just wanna forget.. forget abt it all..

i love my new life w/o her.. infact i've loved it since she left a few months back.. even if it isn't easy, i still love it.. i've made so many sacrifices to get where i am right now, n i don't regret it one bit cuz i'm happy.. genuinely happy.. i have great friends.. my folks have learnt to accept me the way i am, piercings n all.. i'm doing well in school.. i'm happy.. n i don't need her to be happy anymore cuz heck i've grown up a whole lot n i'm loving how i've moved on.. so u know what, i dun have to think abt all this anymore cuz i am happy.. i dun need to be pretend to be happy cuz i am..

that felt good to have out.. sorry for the long post guys.. i know its hard on the eyes.. really sorry guys.. i heart u all alot anyway.. *hugz&kisses*

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-16T23:36:00.000+08:00

I have so much to say.. But first I have to do this.. *screams excitedly* let me tell this.. today is so so so so so much fun.. well its ending fun thanx to two ppl.. Onny's back..! yes yes.. my madass partner in crime is back n i'm loving it.. awesome la.. n Joel's his usual mad self as well.. so thank u to the two of u.. ilu both..

n Shaun'd(yes tats what i call my buddy shaun the jappy boy who freaks me out at times) he's been smsing me most of the day so thank ya loads.. n Joce was great company on msn.. so yay to my friends.. they really really rock..! i love you guys so much!! *hugz&kisses*

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-16T09:26:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Audioslave-the audioslave album
feeling horrible today, i am officially sick.. but blasting audioslave helps creating this reeling sensation. makes me feel a whole lot better. but i so totally wished i could watch some Daria or Beeves n Butthead today.. when i still had cable they'd show it on the chinese MTV channel.. the only reason i subscribed to that channel is cuz of that cuz MTV asia doesn't have it.. oh heck i miss my cable.. i just hope dad lands the job today.. *prays* Jasper(hy) is being a sweetheart.. he's sending me funny shit on msn.. haha.. totally hilarious shit.. especially that monty python one.. he's like one of the best comedians in britian.. he does stupid shit really.. his movie, "monty python's in search of the holy grail" is really funny.. dad downloaded it..

i dunno what i'll be doing today.. am supposed to be in skool but i'm not feeling well so i'm skipping it.. heh.. planning to watch High Fidelity again today.. John Cusack Madness.. anyone know who can send me Empire Records online?? i really wanna watch it again for the trillionth time.. Almost Famous would be nice too.. Rock Flicks rock..! hahaha.. or anything that makes u think.. so yeap.. tell me ppl..! oh n sashie.. ilu babe.. for yst.. n for letting me sleep.. hee.. we'll talk tonight? *hugz&kisses*

oh n joce, i can't access your LJ..
-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-15T00:10:00.000+08:00

it totally sucks when someone ,u spend most of your time with, starts having a gf.. especially when its your own bro.. the one u spend MOST of your time with.. i can't complain really.. i have to accept.. with one, "yes i wanna be with u", she wipes any existing plans we'd made since last year.. awesome.. u really have to respect the power a woman has on a man..

was surfing around.. i like this poem..

Voodoo Girl by Tim Burton
Her skin is white cloth,
and she's all sewn apart
and she has many colored pins
sticking out of her heart.

She has many different zombies
who are deeply in her trance.
She even has a zombie
who was originally from France

But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
For if someone gets
too close to her,

the pins stick farther in.

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-14T09:25:00.000+08:00

Didn't sleep much yst, but I feel a whole lot better.. Was talking to Wilson n he was giving all this crappy shit in very soft sissy tone.. haha.. cuz wei jian was there, wei jian's my ex senior that I ain't too fond of really.. N Wilson knows that.. So he kept whispering but of course we had to cut the convo short cuz soccer was on.. Men n their sports.. He says euro 2004 is very important to him.. hahaha..

realized it doesn't really hurt that much since its only been a week.. heh.. it was just an "I got played again, fuck this sucks" feeling.. That's y I cried.. N I'm sorry long had to suffer thru it.. He's pretty much used to it.. N he's a good friend.. So yup thanx long..! *hugz&kisses* I'm swearing off relationships till after Os(saying it again for god knows how many freakin'th time?).. But this time I'm, sticking to it..(I'll smack myself if I don't)

Sat around watching sesame street just now.. Somehow wishing I was a kid again.. Being a kid in the Philippines is easy shit, other then all the stuff u have to do.. Ballet recitals, skool plays, singing classes, drama classes, more ballet.. my favourite time was just sitting around playing my Ukelele.. pretending i was a Rock God.. whenever daddy was home there'd never be a day without Zeplin or The Rolling Stones or Deep Purple.. there'd be days where it was just Dizzy Gilespie or Louis Armstrong playing.. i dunno why, but i remember more of the Philippines then of the days when i was in San Fran.. maybe cuz all i really remember abt San Fran was the summer when Ernie decided to come over from the Philippines n ended up going home a homosexual, which his family says he still is.. Major blow to find out your bestie who was the only kid u could really play with next door becomes Gay.. as a kid i didn't really understand it, i even thought it was fun cuz heck i could play dress up with him n he'd totally not mind wearing dresses with me.. heh.. Kinda miss those times, but Ernie doesn't even remember me anymore.. heh..

i'm gonna go watch Harry Potter, the prisoner of Azkabane(is that how its spelt?) today.. i can watch it several times if i want too..! yay!! how's that Sa? n its free...!!! hahahaha..!! woohoo...!!

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

we're breaking up.. woohoo.. i got played again.. isn't that great peeps?? woohoo.. maybe joel's right.. love just sucks.. wee..!

----------------------------------------------------
-edit-

i give up on love totally.. the only person i will love n live for from now on is God.. funny how i always say that.. n yet i allow myself to fall for someone n get nuthin in the end.. maybe i should just turn into a fucking nun.. which jaspa says would totally hurt him.. cuz he vowed that he'd lose his virginity to me.. where in the world did the old jaspa go to? the one that wasn't so darn horny.. oh n he got into singapore idol.. bloody judges must be deaf la.. no offence jaspa.. i love u with all my heart bro, but the rapping shit just doesn't go with your natural being.. i still love u n support u nonetheless.. oh why bother.. dun feel like blogging.. gonna stay up n wait for ken to come home.. he's giving me another, "why i dun allow u to have singaporean basketballer boyfriends" lecture.. bah.. maybe he's right.. he is my bro after all..

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-13T16:54:00.000+08:00

What will your Funeral be like? by rashock
Username
You will die by:	You die in sweet bliss while having sex with your lover or partner. Seems they were so good your heart couldn't stand it and stopped. Talk about a heart breaker, but at least everyone sees you inyour casket with a smile of your face.
Death Date:	August 15, 2023
Number attending your funeral?	76
How much will you leave to friends and family?	$3,823,622

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

2004-06-13T16:39:00.001+08:00

Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Your Name
Band Name	System Of A Down
Role	Guitarist
Trademark	Emo Poster Child
Love Interest	A Porn Star

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

haha.. cool..

2004-06-13T13:30:00.000+08:00

since i was so bored yst, i actually went all out in picking my "list of hottest guys in the history of rock".. hahaha.. lame title.. hmmm think i'll change it too..

the Hottest Guys in the history of rock
1)Brandon Boyd of Incubus (u all should know how crazy i am over brandon boyd right now so yeap, he's at the top of the list)
2)Chris Cornell of Audioslave (i worship the ground chris cornell walks on.. i've loved him since the Soundgarden days..!!! all hail chris cornell..!)
3)Raine Maida of OLP (very obvious, cuz Our Lady Peace happens to be one of my favourite bands. reason being, raine maida looks awfully brandon boyd-ish especially in their video "life"(the main reason y i started listening to OLP) and any guy who can look like brandon boyd n be as hot as he is makes it into this list any day.. heh..)
4)Chester Bennington of Linkin Park (chester bennington is by far the hottest vocalist in LP(mike shinoda just doesn't do it for me.. heh.) he's very eccentric, has very hot vocals.. look at him he's just hot! haha..)
5)Anthony Kiedes of Red Hot Chilli Peppers (his energy makes him hot.. the enthusiasm he exudes when he performs is out of this world)
6)Coby Dick of Papa Roach (young, hot n his kid is so cute..!)
7)Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit (if it isn't evident yet, I have a thing for bad boys.. heh..)
8)Kurt Cobain of Nirvana (i have tons of respect for Kurt Cobain.. he was definately one of the founders of modern rock..)
9)Kirk Hammett of Metallica (an amazing Guitarist.)
10)James Hetfield of Metallica (its the voice really.. heh..)
11)Tommy Lee of Motley Crue (guys like Tommy Lee turn me on.. heh.. Pamela Anderson was one lucky bitch)
12)Dave Navarro of Jane's Addiction (seriously he's better off with Jane's Addiction.. when he went into his solo career it kinda just sucked.. his songs made me sleepy.. hahaha.. Caremen Electra's one lucky Bitch)
13)its a tie between Steven Tyler n Mick Jagger of Aerosmith (i dig the whole rugged look.. if i could have a daddy like Steven Tyler or Mick Jagger, oooo wee..!)
14)Doug Robb of Hoobastank (the eyes, the voice.. ahh.. he makes me melt.. hahah..)
15)Sully Erna of Godsmack (i like the voice.. n the body.. heh..)
16)Rob Zombie (the name speaks for itself)
17)Chad Kroeger of Nickelback (the voice)
18)Travis Barker of Blink 182 (the greatest drummer..!)
19)Robert Trujillo of Metallica (the new bassist of Metallica.. definately rocks ass)
20)Kid Rock (he is so hot..!)

its a really messed up list really but 12/20 guys in the list can actually turn me on.. heh.. my darkest secret- Bad Boys Turn Me On.. hahahaha... ok i think i've gone nuts.. what ya think Joce?

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-12T20:31:00.000+08:00

so in the course of this really hectic week i've been asked how i've been lately from several ppl, that i barely even know.. i had to lie on several occassions, of course.. heh.. other then the several occassions that i've actually lost my grip on reality n broke down n cried, it was, well, swell.. *i can see ye long nodding his head as he reads this(thanx bro, for staying up late every night actually trying to see me go thru my shit without a scratch n of course to sashie who's always been there..(everyday now for the past few months))*

i'm officially pissed off with ben liew.. i don't know where the fuck he got the idea that i wouldn't mind waiting for his sorry ass for 45 mins at cck mrt n actually not mind him arriving LATE with mr dickhead of the century Louis n just walks by like its perfectly fine.. n i'm supposed to follow behind like a stupid dog?? fuck u..!!! the both of u..! i got so pissed off.. i left.. today was the second occassion i went home crying in the bus.. i hate crying.. but fuck, this is the second time he's made a fool outta me in a week.. first infront of ah lai kia, then today infront of louis..

came home crying to bensen.. who i am now attached to(i know a certain someone's been waiting since last week for me to spill the beans, so yes now u know..)he made it better.. n i've promised not to cry so much.. i'm weak so sue me..

i know its the second time i'm posting up these lyrics.. i can't help it.. i fucking love this song.. n yes i agree with joce, "all hail brandon boyd!" have i told u all my secret longing to be brandon boyd's wife?? haha... he's at the top of my hottie list.. next would have to be hmmmm... chester bennington??? haha.. i'll think abt it then post up a list of the hottest guys in the history of rock.. oh oh sashie, who're the hottest chicks in rock???

Incubus- I miss you
To see you when I wake up, is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same, as I do, is a Three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me
That I can't explain
So would I be out of line, If I said
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on, the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days, but already I am wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know, that I care
And I miss you

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-08T08:50:00.000+08:00

Listening to:incubus-i miss you
monday blues kicked in major hard yst.. woohoo.. but its all better now.. its always better when u have ben to end your day with.. :) was pretty emo yst.. kinda hated it but having jonathan there to laugh it off with me was awesome.. i credit it to ben's meany behaviour.. he makes fun of all the girls n we laugh it off.. after being such good friends with him for over a year now.. i'm practically immune to the whole thing.. the whole Ben package.. the sarcastic remarks.. the "make fun of gurls" attitude.. kinda very Raul if u ask me.. n somehow meeting other guys who aren't like that just bore me.. those too nice too girls kinda guys.. heh..

so yes yes.. it was a good day even though..
1) my camera almost died on me..
2) zhong rui hit my navel with his fucking butt while i was defending him while we played basketball
3) y loon complained abt me(but who fucking cares anyway)

so yes yes.. n its all thanx to ben n sa n jonathan.. n of course to a certain someone who spent the whole day being there for me.. only sa knows.. heh.. n fuck the bitch who complained while i was smsing him.. so there.. soccer in the afternoon.. so toodelz bitches..
*3days*

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-06T10:55:00.000+08:00

Listening To: The White Stripes- Black Math

tong whye lost yst.. major heartbreak.. ok nvm.. so they lost.. next match they have to win.. its sin kee.. i won't let them get away with losing to sin kee.. i so fucking hate the sin kee guys.. so yeah.. everyone was pretty bummed out when we were going home.. but the game was great nonetheless.. my ex teammates actually talked to me last night.. kinda weird but it was only cuz they wanted me to go watch their match tonight.. which i ain't doing.. so yeap.. no thank u..

its YC birthday.. so yeap happy birthday to bro..

-edit-
my day was kinda fun.. hung out with ben n sa n jian feng at coffee bean as usual.. had a good talk with ben about everything.. he's been really emo since Coach roy's been rather bias lately.. picking ah lai kia like all the time.. heh.. bball's nice when u ain't playing it.. like last night.. me, Sa n the rest just sat by the side n watched the match.. which was really exciting.. n getting to sms sashie while we bitched abt sin kee players.. haha.. totally fun.. the whole just sitting in suspense.. especially when jonathan scored the three pointer to bring the match into over time when there was like only 5 secs left.. imagine hearing the buzzer for the game to end then hearing his ball go in.. everyone's silent.. then when it goes in u hear ppl cheering like madasses.. wee..! hahaha.. the thrill of the game.. joining a team, just kills it.. unless you're in tong whye.. heh..

ok ok i know.. too many entries abt tong whye.. like i can help it.. my world suddenly revolves around supporting the guys at matches.. kinda fun actually.. heh.. i shall stop boring u ppl with it.. i'll blog when there's something really interesting? heh..

oh fuck my navel hurts again.. if anyone tells u that piercing your navel hurts.. they're lying.. piercing it doesn't hurt.. waiting for it to heal hurts more.. especially when u move around too much, like me.. all that jumping at the hillsongs concert(which was worth it..!!) heh.. oh gawd there's dance next week.. i hope this pain just goes away.. bah..

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-04T13:25:00.000+08:00

haven't talked to hyatt boy since my drunken episode.. hoping he gets it by now that i was extremely wasted.. heh.. been doing alot lately.. so i can't really make it online.. was fun to hang out with superman last night.. totally rocked just leaving the house in the middle of the night just to go see him.. totally like how whenever ever i'm around him i can just be me.. cuz there's never gonna be anything between me n him anyway.. a purely platonic relationship..which i have alot of guys but its different with superman.. with him there's no strings attached.. so yeap.. cheers to superman..

n sashie, thanx for keeping me company while u watched your movies.. i know how irritating it is to have me around.. heh..

ok i have to leave now.. going for a concert.. so toodels bitches.. i'm off to enjoy my day..

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-03T07:15:00.000+08:00

class in an hour.. how exciting...!!! NOT! n the thing that bites is that its yeo kk's lesson.. *reassures self that it's only six more months n then it's out of that hell hole-deeps breathely-*

had a horrible night.. the red tide was causing major problems.. n it didn't help that everyone i usually talk to at night was busy doing something.. sashie was out eating, as usual.. Ken Wong, eating as well.. well ben was free.. had a short chat with him but it didn't help.. so i forced myself to sleep.. woke up at 4am with other major problems n smsed sashie.. (i've linked ya k? love ya babe..!) then went back to sleep.. was interuppted by my alarm n here i am.. blogging..

oh hell i'm starting to sound like a bloody chink.. i'll update later..

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-06-02T16:20:00.000+08:00

nostalgia fills the air n it freakin stinks.. someone shoot everyone i know from the "dreaded memory" lane.. boredom does things to ppl i guess.. need some madness.. wonder where Onn is..

2004-06-02T09:51:00.000+08:00

yst wasn't all that bad.. i actually had fun.. heh.. so left home, had soccer, was pretty ok i guess.. taught the kids some stuff.. laughed alot.. then i came home, changed n eunice n i made our way to yu hua cc.. pretty nostalgic.. watching tong whye play nee soon east.. the whole basketball thing.. made me miss it.. but then seeing my ex team mates reminded me why i left.. becoz of the fucked up coach n the overly chinky ppl.. its like u get so totally brianwashed.. cuz the coach is too chinky to even try coaching in english.. then u have to be chinky with your teammates.. just the whole chinky shit.. sucks balls.. oh n the best part.. i saw ken n i didn't feel anything.. hoohaa.. i am so over him.. revelation.. *dances around*

seeing y loon n val n xiu harn n ken so didn't destroy my day.. all sin kee players.. man even the team names are overly chinky.. *bleahx* ben did good.. really proud of him.. stayed up talking to him cuz i couldn't sleep after i woke up at 1.. my navel hurts for god knows what reason, so i couldn't really concentrate on sleep becoz of the pain.. its better now i guess..

dun wanna think abt it.. just really happy i'm over ken.. weee...!! after one year.. wee...!! hahaha.. good bye pretty boy.. hello emo..

-a la folie pas du tout-
p.s sorry if i sound overly lame today.. heh.. oh n congrats to tong whye for winning the first match.. oh oh n yes ben.. i admit.. your team has alot of very hunky players... especially no 12.. the ajc guy.. muscles.. *sigh* hahahahaha..

2004-06-01T10:19:00.000+08:00

Seriously holidays suck when u ain't got cash.. I could so seriously die right now.. But heck soccer training's in a few hours time.. I'm in a bad mood.. So dun push it.. Its one of those days.. So yeah..

I got drunk last night n apparently i'm attached to alex again.. something i so don't want right now.. fuck. Superman shouldn't have kegs at his house man.. its so wrong.. he has one there whenever i go n the guys got insane n i drank some, n the some wasn't a lil, more like a whole fucking lot.. n apparently alex called.. n uhmm while i was half drunk on El's leg, i told him i loved him.. as in alex, not Els.. Els of course who wasn't drunk thought i was joking cuz heck i say i love you to Els all the time.. heck i say it to everyone i love before i make an exit.. cuz everyone knows i say i love you to everyone.. its my so called good bye/good night phrase.. n as Els puts it, i smsed alex some really uhmm weird stuff.. like how i want him to be mine.. *vomits blood* oh god, throbbing headache with pms sucks.. n now i have to get myself outta this mess.. i can't have hyatt boy as my bf.. reason being cuz i fucking like someone else.. being with him would just a "nothing".. bah.. he's too nice really.. n he's dam quiet unless he wants something.. cuz he expects me to do all the talking.. i hate that.. i'd rather fight with the someone i love then have him keep quiet.. dun get me wrong.. but my definition of a perfect relationship isn't talking to mr someone on the phone while u shower him with sweet nothings.. i'd gt sick of it like really fast.. i hate having to be sweet all the time.. especially to my own bf.. i dun want him to be sweet either..

i can't blame Els for not helping.. he thought i was playing too.. but yeah i should blame it on my stupid party behaviour.. now i have a bleah of a bf.. *screams in pure hate* ok that's it.. enough of my stupidity for now.. trainin time.. laterz..

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-05-31T05:33:00.000+08:00

i love early morning blogging.. heh.. don't you? wooo.. its monday morning, the last day of may, n my bloody O level chinese papers are in a few hours time.. did u study? a lil.. are u confident? confident i fail? or yeah.. confident i pass? oh come on when have i ever passed chinese.. seriously.. think abt it.. u should know the answer.. then what ya doing up so early? i'm up to blog n watch a few episodes of that 70s show before i get ready..

ok seriously i think i've gone mental.. asking myself questions.. oh oh.. ma found out i pierced my navel yst.. heh.. u should have seen her reaction.. especially when i told her n when i showed it to her.. two different priceless reactions.. heh.. i love my mom.. hee.. she didn't really complain, cuz she's says i'll be 17 in a months time.. so its like my responsibility.. weee..!! heh.. come tomorrow, it'll be a month since i pierced it.. wee.. n soccer training starts tomorrow.. can't wait..

anyway good luck to everyone taking the darn paper today.. n i hope mr yong remembers we're supposed to have swensons today.. okok gtg.. that 70s show time.. adios..

-a la folie pas du tout-

2004-05-27T17:42:00.000+08:00

i'd spent most of my day at home, trying to study chinese(yes yes i skipped skool, so sue me) but i just can't.. why was i ever made to take chinese? does it benefit me in the end if i know every dam word? no.. cuz i can carry off a perfect conversation in chinese, in a lowly form, without having to crack my head.. sheesh..

on a brighter note, everything's alright now.. Onny's ok.. he taught me a lil something when he went all quiet the past few days.. it made me rethink abt the great possibility of losing my mom.. something that's haunted me since i was five when mom's kidney failed.. its been diaylsis ever since.. n i guess i should be grateful that she's survived all these years.. n i guess Onny showed me a side of me i had to face up to.. so in a way i dun regret worrying for Onn or having put myself in a position where i cared more for a friend than for myself.. it brought abt a lil maturity i guess.. n it made me realize how obsessing over stupid boys aren't all that important anyway.. except i ain't obsessing cuz i barely think abt him nowadays.. n the only conversations i have with him die off in less than 10 mins.. cuz he's either busy with school or his own friends or other stuff.. n i'm pretty much busy studying for my own exams.. n busy getting myself ready for my Madass June Vacation.. one filled with remedials n soccer practice n dance n other madass activities that require much planning.. luckily i have something to look forward to after this so called vacation ends.. n Onny says he will be there so weeee..!!!

Sweet 16 is ending, bring it on 17..

-a la folie pas du tout-